Bositive Neuj Bakistan: The Glory of NSN

Xerox Chori

2011-11-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

Eet has been awhile, Major(retard)has sent in a glorious bost so as usual eye copy eet
and paste eet here

NATO helicopters committed unprovoked aggression by firing on two Pakistani border posts killing 19 soldier and wounding 11 others. There is no doubt that this action was deliberate. The location of the Border post was clearly communicated to NATO during a previous incident of taliban firing from the post at NATO soldiers, when Pakistan's tactical co-ordination officer (TCO) clearly denied that the post was Pakistani, or that the people firing from the post were Pakistani and that such a post existed at all. Despite exact GPS co-ordinates conveyed during such a denial, NATO chose to attack in a deliberate manner.

Brave Pakistanis building a Missile Launcher to fight back the Apaches.

Eyewitness (though the remaining eye) reports from the ground state that attack was unprovoked. Around 1am, when one third of the soldiers in the post were sleeping, one third praying and the other third distributing moral, political and diplomatic support to the freedom fighters doing legitimate protest against the occupation of their land by western infidel oppressors, NATO helicopters suddenly appeared and started firing. The brave Pakistani soldiers who were praying continued to pray undisturbed and those who were sleeping continued to sleep undisturbed and 35 were shaheed with 28 wounded. Initially the TCO was mislead that NATO was taking fire from a post 9 miles to the north and immediately denied the post was Pakistani. Only after 7 minutes he was informed that NATO was taking fire from the Volcano and Boulder posts where before he could deny that they were Pakistani, the helicopters had already attacked.

Standard operating procedures of the Pakistanis appealing to NATO were ignored. NATO ignored Pakistani captain Usman's repeated pleas that NATO will be given MFN status and the firing from the post will be thoroughly investigated if a dossier is sent. Usman even brought up the Blochistan issue and Samjhota express issue in a last ditch attempt, but it had nary an effect on NATO's aggression. Finally Captain Usman was Shaheed when he attempted to throw a grenade up in the air against the attacking Apache (which unfortunately landed in his own bunker). The Volcano post, which was under heavy attack also, was commanded by Major Mujahid, who attempted a brave rescue by down-hill ski-ing, but was Shaheed because the snow had not yet set in. This brought the casuality up to 21 Shaheed and 10 wounded.

Prime Minister Yusuf Raza Gilani strongly protested this violation of sovirginity, by ordering closure of NATO convoys and boycotting the Bonn conference. Other measures are expected to be announced after he takes permission from General Kayani, Chief of Army staff. Pakistan's Ambassador to the UN, Abdullah Hussain Haroon said all legal recourse will be explored. Including appealing the case to a Neutral expert, following which it could be taken to a Court of Arbitration. Pakistan's foreign minister Hina Rabbani Khar said that Pakistan wants to protect the world from Pakistanis, but enraging Pakistani citizens will only strengthen the hands of extremists and prevent political space for Pakistan government to protect the world from Pakistan.

Leaks

2010-12-10T05:17:00.001-08:00

AoA maulana Yell Yem has been very industrius past few week peelow are some eggzampule

Nikileaks: We will sue agencies!

NSN: Islamabad - it has come to our attention that certain agencies have been distributing authentic Nikileaks maal to newspapers in Pakistan for profit making purposes. Firstly this is against the tenets of the noble state of Pakistan and all that we hold dear. Second, dears may be held, as long as they are goats or goat like. Thirdly, NSN and Nikileaks went to great lengths to obtain the maal that we have shared with the public in line with our treasured principled stand of moral and diplomatic service that has led to the information being created and sourced in the first place. For the profit not to flow back to us is unpardonable.

We condom the agencies who have leaked our leak. There is no place for a leaking condom in our society, nor should any of us take a leaking condom lying down. We must protest, we must rise up - firm and proud! Otherwise the leak will be rammed down our throats and we will have no recourse to justice and our voices will be gagged and choked. This cannot come to pass.

Is this what our four-fathers wanted for us during our difficult conception into nationhood? Is it for this that we willingly gave up our benign indulgent rule over east pakistan?

It is time for the truth seeking missile of our public opinion to home in on target and shower us with the blessings of punjabi hegemony, sunni dominance and fuedal aristocracy within the benign bosom of love of our proud and valiant armed forces (who have excellent relationships with Americans unlike the hindu fanatical genocidal indian army)*

NSN and Nikileaks urges all pakistanis to leak and leak again - we must flood the nation once again with our truth

NSN - Leak-no-logy

NSN Wikileaks Ekjklujibh

NSN Washington DC: In startling revelations in the wikileaks diplomatic cables, it has come to light that senior US government officials including Hillary Clington, Mike Mullen, and Richard Holebroak have been seen by staffers as forcing Pakistani leaders such as Gilani, Zardari and even His Sinister Strangeloveness General Kiyani to perform mujra type dances to 'Munna Badnaam Hua' a well known Zionist adaptation of a cunning Yindu (haram) song that is currently being used to subvert the very fabric of Pakistani society, within the confines of Dupont Circle thana.

Insiders said that Gilani was made to dance in close proximity to Zardari whilst HSS Kiyani was gyrating in the background with his trousers rolled up above the knee whilst wearing a genji. Madame CLington was apparently cracking a whip whilst staffers said to each other 'see what we have to say about her!' excitedly.

Meanwhile, various tanzeems in Pakistan are very excited by the news that his Highness Al Saud has asked for various heads to be chopped off. Many were seen preparing knives and swords for the purpose.

NSN - Leaking it all over Pakistan, First

Nikileaks: NSN reveals contents of secret moral and diplomatic cables from Islamabad

Unknown Location NWFP: Secret cables from the Moral & Diplomatic Service of Pakistan obtained at great personal risk by a secret whistleblower are blowing the lid off Pakistani diplomat's views of various world powers. NSN has obtained several of these secret, top secret, and khatarnak cables and will release them for the betterment of principled stands on democracy and human rights. We have decided to call this 400% indigenous series "Nikileaks". Some excerpts below:

1. Delhi station: "their biriyani is better than ours" unknown staffer in Delhi is reported to have said before being sent to KKH works department for re-education

2. Rawalpindi station: "Red Lips massage services are really great" apparently a reference to extensive personalised contact with Chinese intelligence and relaxation experts

3. Khurram agency: "Americans suspect nothing about the transport convoys"

4. Islamabad agency: "Gilani has itchy hands" - context not fully understood

Nikileaks will bring you more from our field staff over the coming days
NSN - Leaking it Live, Hot and Steaming

Nikileaks Update

NSN brings you more secret cables from the Pakistan Moral and Diplomatic Service obtained at great risk by our reporters

1. Zardari does not take 10%: it has been shown through statistical analysis that for deals < $10M his fee is in fact 12.5% whereas for deals > $10M he charges anywhere between 7.86% and 9.99% depending on how many foriegn trips are thrown in or gifts are supplied for his son

2. Kiyani's dressing room: His Sinister Strangeloveness General Kiyani has a large dressing room with a number of mirrors and walk in wardrobes. Amongst the many uniforms hanging there are Batman outfits

3. Gilani's presents: surveillance shows that PM Gilani has been presented a package by HSS Kiyani. Later humint showed that it contained a Robin outfit, complete with tight green chaddi. It was unclear why there was a hole in the chaddi's rear area

4. Singh seen in dhoti: PM Singh of India was spotted shivering in his dhoti in a narrow dark place on several occaisons by the Pakistani ambassador who declined to be identified to maintain his anonymity

5. Madama Gandhi spotted in sari: rumours about the indianisation of Madame Gandhi appear to be true. She has been spotted wearing a sari in public places

6. Pak ambassador in Delhi: has decided to identify himself to avoid further embarrasment. It appears that he is regularly treated to spanking by dossier in the Indian foreign ministry as a lowly chaprasi

7. Americans suspect nothing: further evidence is pouring in that pakistan's extra smart military and the super sleuths of the ISI and the dedicated servers of the Moral & Diplomatic Corps have managed to convince the Americans that all izz vell

NSN - Hot Leaks Dribbling Daily

Nikileaks update

NSN secret cables moral & diplomatic corps, journalist, secret, danger, blah, blah

Zardari - Kayani wants to take me out - A senior officer of the moral and diplomatic support corps was told by President Zardari that General Kiyani wants to take him out. The President was very concerned because he had not been asked out on a date before, and that too by such a dashing and handsome fauji afsar. Visibly palpitated, the President was seen to be looking through this best clothes and suits to determine what he should wear when the handsome and dashing afsar came a calling to take him out. The president also wondered where the General will be taking him out, what level of expenditure it was likely to incur and whether he should 'put out' on the first date, or hold on a little longer. When consulted, the PM Gilani advised him that he always likes to get his hands-on during the first date and after suitably groping for the way may resort to deeper penetration. The president is said to have taken this advise on board, although insiders suspect that he might play hard to get for a few attempts to keep the General waiting a little longer. Analysts hope that the general's ardour is not diminished.

NSN - nocturnally leaking

Nikileaks Update

NSN - unknown location within ISI HQ Pindi: Our intrepid undercover whistle blower reveals:

1. ISI's in depth sleuthing has found out that
1.a. US Codename for HSS Kiyani is "Bad Boy"
1.b. US Codename for PM Gilani is "Naughty Boy"
1.c US Codename for President Zardari is "Silly Boy"

2. ISI intercepts of secret meeting between Holbroke and HSS Kiyani
Holbroke: "You have been a very bad boy, I have to take steps to ensure that you are punished. Take that you Bad Boy!"
HSS K: "Ouch, ouch, ow... atleast use the [garbled]-line... ow!"

3. ISI intercepts of secret meeting between McChrystal and PM Gilani:
McC: "You are a very naughty boy, you've been caught with your hands on the goodies [possible reference to nuclear assets]"
PM Gilani: "Ya, so... you want some?"
McC: "What?!"
PM Gilani: "I give you good price, she like my sister, I introduce you... good price effendi!"
McC: [garbled]
ISI note: Watch PM Gilani, he may be considering unauthorised sales of special assets

4. ISI intercepts of PM Cameron meeting with President Zardari
C: "Mr President, you really have been a very silly boy indeed!"
Z: "Come come my good fellow, we are men of the world, we can talk business"
C: "I beg your pardon?"
Z: "You scratch my back, I open wider... know what I mean? We are men of the world afterall hain ji?"
C: "Oh! I thought that secret stayed in Eton!"
Z: "Look at this baby... you want some?"
C: [garbled]
Z: "Now... about Bilal..."
C: "Silly boy... put your [garbled] back on!"

ISI Note: review intercept of call between Armitage and Powell from 2004 when he mentions "Bad Boy, Naughty Boy and Silly Boy in same conversation with Pres. Musharraf. Question: have the Americans been planning a deep cover operation with Gilani and Zardari since then?

NSN - Leaking like a sieve

2010-11-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

maulana Cheen may anad asked in doubt

Lalprafessar , i donot understand this. Our dear porkistan , land of pigs since 1947 ,is still virgin .... still virgin after 50 plus years of GUBO ... our leaderan , faujiban and taliban have peen guboing to kafirs and taking money for decades and still claiming virginity...
Is this plasphemy ? Should qureshi pe flogged for telling lies khullam-khulla ?

LM as ujual kleared his doubt thus

diyar chin pe anand al redlipsi

in order to lose sov-irginity, the maidaanhead should be broken
as ju know, the musharraf has no such impediment

ju can blast the musharraf every which way (pindi chana or amritraj) butt the technical requirement for sov-irginity remains intact

no such prablems in my sov-irginity fixing gufa, where we offer repair services for a modest fee (in kind)
urs
lalpraf

Maulana Mahi going Lyrikal in praje oph 3 Jihadiots:

Saari umar hum
Dar Dar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

Saari umar hum
Dar dar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

Saari umar hum
Dar dar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

aah aa Amritraj....Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some Baksheesh
Give me some vaseline
Give me another chance
I wanna grease up once again

Give me some Baksheesh
Give me some vaseline
Give me another chance
I wanna grease up once again

Kandhon ko Klashnikov
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
Rishvat lena to khud
Papa ne sikhaya
9% kickback laaoge to ghadi, varna Zardari

Likh likh kar pada hatheli par
Al Quaida Jaish ka chaala
Concentrated Ammonium-nitrate ne poora
Poora bachpan jalaa daala

BHutto to gaya
Benazir bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do jeene do

Bhutto to gaya
BeBe bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do jeene do

Maulana HaroonK added:

Bahtee hawa sa tha wo,
10% percentee apna tha wo,
kaha gaya usey doondo........

humko tho IMF thee chalathi,
wo kudh apni commission banatha,
gubo kartha, masti me chaltha tha wo.......

humko 72 ki fiker satathi,
wo bus 10% ka jashan manatha,
har deal me commission letha tha wo....

Bahtee hawa sa tha wo,
10% percentee apna tha wo,
kaha gaya usey doondo........

baluchistan me predator jaisa,
musharaff me vaseline jaisa,
1971 me niazi jaisa, tha wo,

hum sahme se rehte isloo me,
wo london me party kartha tha ,
swiss bank me transfer kartha wo........

more phrom maulana HaroonK

After listening to Genral kapoor,
The baki thought of his promised 72 hoor,
From islamabad to bahwalpur,
they shivered at the thought of being another Darfur.
It will take only 72 hours,
For the SDRE to show its full powers,
The baki will find it tough and it ij goin to be very rough,
As they shove a Cold Rod up the Baki's musharaff.

something phrom you know hu

Bakistan is a wonderful Place,
where from moojahids get fame.
Some nonWKKs watching are tense,
When they see the moojahids hit the switch to Vakum plast.
Some WKKs buy tickets,
To embrace the Moojahids getting their raisns.
There is a AdM who works hard to concentrate,
Then there are Maulanas who tries to make him frustrate.
There was an Amir who always made the right decision,
To help Moojahids who are out to accomplish a mission.
But these days there is a lot of chaos in Bakistan,
Because the Moojahids deliberately tread on the toes.
I hope Amir is returned sincerely,
So that everyone can live it happily.

Salam

Mussarraf Saving

2010-11-07T16:40:00.000-08:00

Since ebil baniya yindoo bredaters hape been dandacharging yand wiping off Bojitibe neuj, eye will try to save some gems for posterity.

AOA ispeeking about a Danda pesh in khidmat of bious consinears

Carrying home
his nava danda
a Maulana walking

pointing it at the Moon
making a point
with his mighty danda

thousands of Leaves
shake in fear
but the sky is empty

One not Two
danda does
the Maulana have

Two not One
legs does
the Maulana have

endure
cold Midnight
pounding rain
the maulana does

admist all this
gathering dust
his wooden danda
just sits.

Salam.

By Brabessar LM

wah wah knee-ran-ullah al nipponi!
what a haikullah ju habh phekhed to the aud-i-ence!

as phor bhatullah-al-kaju-qatli... ju dare to kveshschun the display of lal-ness in public!?!

do ju naat know that in aaal eez fair in laav and taqiya? so, just like jarnail show laal-tipped green paint mijjile in public, seniar maulers (like moi) do taquiya in pablic with lal-houris to blend in with great satan (dron-e-charya nebher faar), whilst ju-near maulers (like ju) must perform the greatar jeehad in the goat shed, and even grater jeehad in the donkey shed. but plij to note IR photography of iraqui biraders doing animal husbandry on ju-toob - the donkey maast be sitting during the performance of its role in jeehard. us sea-nears perform these sacrifices for ju and ju dont appreciate?
what is warld coming to?
lalpraf

by Anu-bin-jaan

Internashunal Community Should Help Themselves by Helping Pakistan Help Themselves to Cashmere

Here ij my help to bopularise to the 400% brilliant artecal “International Community should help themselves by helping Pakistan” which helpfully concludes

Consequently, what the United States needs to do, and this is not at all an easy job, is bring the Kashmir issue to the forefront. If they can come to some sort of conclusion concerning Kashmir, Pakistan will have no use for terrorist cells and hence create a more stable Subcontinent. Pakistan will be able to focus more on their economic welfare and the wellbeing of their citizens.

Such a clear articulation for the end of terrorist activitiej has never been written on the internets. Hugely encouraged, I wish to jump into the Jeehaard and contribute as well. Here is my 400% endorsement titled “Internashunal Community Should Help Themselves by Helping Pakistan Help Themselves to Cashmere”

To understand the phenomenon of the terrorijt infestation in Pakistan, it is imbortant to understand the relevanje of Cashmere issue and the part it plays in forcing Pakistan to train moojahids to fight in far away places. As it ij well known, in the past 4 years Pakistanis were implicated (and in many cases convicted) for terrorism in

France
Spain
Canada
Norway
Tunisia
India
US
Britain
China (Xinjiang Uighur Autonomous Region)
Russia (Chechnya)
Uzbekistan (Tashkent, Ferghana valley)
Dagestan
Tajikistan
Southern Philippines
Bosnia
Afghanistan
Iran
Maldives
Yemen
Saudi Arabia
Burma
Indonesia
South Korea

And that ij just a few places yours sachly got in 5 minutes of Google News archive search.

Look at the list of blaces that will benefit if Cashmere ijjue is solved!! If you ask “What do these places have to do with Cashmere and why are Pakistanis & Pakistani trained terrorijsts attacking them?” you are most probably a Joo working for CIA, RAA or Mossad out to defame Pakistan. On the other hand, the first thing that should come to any Batriotic Pakistani’s mind is “Whoa!! There is a place called Dagestan? And our moojahids know enough geography to go there and set off bums?” YES!! And this is precisely the reason why even though Yemen is increasingly showing botential to challenge this record, WE ARE STILL NO 1!! AK Phyrr in air!!

Okay I got carried away and I digress.

Where were we? My support for an article which articulates why Cashmere is a normal and legitimate explanation for using the State apparatus of Pakistan to terrorize the population of a neighbouring country by randomly killing innocent civilians.

Going back to the list, look at the size of the Internashunal community that can help themselves by helping Pakistan help themselves to Cashmere!! Ofcourse, this will not solve *all* terrorijam and will leave a few countries behind. Like Denmark (Stop drawing cartoons you Kuffars!!), Switzerland (Build more Minarets!!), Norway (Stop giving out Nobel brizes to Chinese dissidents!!), US (FREE DAUGHTER OPH PAKISTAN AAFIA!!). But that is for a later analysis on how remaining terrorism can be tackled. Right now let us stay with supporting the low standards of conduct the State has set for itself

_______________________________________________

PS> Several beepuls have pointed out inconsistencies and addishuns to this blog post and I am listing them here.

A reader feels left out that Pakistan’s accomplishment in Thailand has been ignored. 400% abologies! Pakistan trained moojahids have spread Pakistan’s name far and wide in Thailand as well.
A reader points out that Dagestan is a Russian province. Another reader says that Dagestan is not a country at all, but is probably a Joo kanspeerajy to defame Pakistan’s image and RAA, CIA and Mossad are probably partners in this kanspeerajy. I agree with both.
Another reader points out that Pakistani moojahids going to Dagestan is 400% proof of the wholesome madrassa educashun preparing people with real world skills. Who said real-world subjects like Geography are not taught in madrassas hain?
Another reader says that the internashunal community is obligated to help Pakistan and quotes one of my tweets
“Pakistan is doing the whole world a favour by being Pakistan. Would you rather have your country be Pakistan hain?”

By LM

breeteesh like to eat "toad in the hole" whereas
amreekis like to go in the poak hole (phor gooobow)
on the other haath...
cheenis like to eat poaks whole with steamed toad

by Maulana Mahi

What is the difference between MMS and Yusaf Raza Gilani?

MMS supports freedom of press

Gilani supports freedom to press( ask Sherry)

to which maulana LM replies

MMS pressures the G20
Gilani pressures the 36B

MMS focuses on booms
Gilani focuses on boobs

MMS...

IED Muparak to Plog

2010-10-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Diyar Mullaj,

Thij plog ij shaheed. It ij a sad din indeed. Blij to point Mullaj to new plog. Maype, biradars need to move to Teetar, hain?

IED Muparak phor Major Butt (Retarded)

2010-09-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

Diyar Mullaj,

I am dekho-ing a very sad khabar. Our peloved Major ij now Allah to pyaara. Blij to join me in 72 seconds of khamoshi.

It ij 400% a RAA conjbiracy! Jeehaaaard!!

Al-Okullah

The Multani Standoff

2010-08-31T00:37:00.000-07:00

Assfaq Kiyani nowminashun phor Ojkaar

2010-08-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

Full Relief and a happy ending: Strategic Assets are safe

2010-08-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

2010-08-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Deiyar Biradhers,
Pleej issue appropriate Fatwa against evil koophar who are making fun of bakistan's right to get
AIDS phrom one and everybody.

Hajaar lice and keede on their beards

To Kommammerate Kuffar Horror Picchar - Biranha

2010-08-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

The real kahaani oph phlood

2010-08-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

Wahamullah haj eggjblained to me what habbened. Blij to bay attenshun.

Bakistan's scientisht working in Khan Labs develobed a machine phor changing climate. They called it BAAP-e-HAARP. Maane ki Bakistaan Atmosphere Alteration Project.

The idea waj to hurt India, those kambakht who were stealing Paani-e-Indus.

BAAP would return the favor by stealing the monsoon phrom India.

Well, aj they say, the machine had some dejine flaw ... it worked 400% more than eggjbected ... the rest ij history.

A Conspiracy Unravels: India caused floods in Pakistan with the help of Chandra devata

2010-08-19T00:23:00.000-07:00

Lahore, August 19, 2010.

The water came in the morning, quietly sweeping across the madrassa terrorist training camp and into the village. Within hours, it was as high as a man's shoulder and Abdul Nabi Fahadullah had lost his guns, his ammunition and all 10 of his goats.

Weeks after massive downpours first battered northern Pakistan, submerging tens of thousands of square miles, leaving millions of terrorists students homeless, those floodwaters are still sweeping downriver and through the south, adding one more layer of misery to the terrorists long awaiting the signal to cross over to India and reach jannat.

"This is the fate of the country," said another terrorist student, a bitterly angry man named Baba Hamitullah, who took a break from hamming his guns incessantly . "It is the bad luck of Pakistan that we cannot attack any Americans or Indians or even Shias and Ahmaddiyas." Behind him, nearly 50 members of his tribe — with their hamming guns, were ready to enter into new territory when the floods struck.

Speculation is rife in learned circles in Pakistan over the real cause of floods that have affected the country.

News affairs editor and met specialist Dr. Shivshuddin Shamshuddin Silani, who looks for theories in deep, spoke exclusively, "It seems a conspiracy to me. The floods stuck on July 29, 2010 exactly eleven months after the Indian Chandrayaan-I lost contact on August 29, 2010. The Chandrayaan-I might have caused some disturbances in the Moon's behaviour towards Pakistan."

"It's not just the scale (of the floods), it's the depth as well," said Martanullah Harnab Ali Khan, repeatedly emphasizing with his hands , the humanitarian operations manager for the aid group Pakistanis Beyond Pakistan. " Something seems amiss to me" said Martanullah Harnab Ali Khan, repeatedly repeating his dire forecast " A dangerous game is about to begin from the Indian side"

NSN decided to consult some specialists to bring out the real story.

Speaking exclusively to learned Maulana Daulip Mahabali Khan who lives in Bangalore, Kerala , it occurs that certain astrological calculations were taken into considerations before unleashing the floods on Pakistan.

Said Maulana Daulip Mahabali Khan, "The date the flood struck was July 29. The numerological total of 29 is 2 + 9 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2. Two is the number of the moon in Indian numerology. The Indians claim every natural resource as their God and worship the Moon as Chandra Devata. As per a respected Indian jyotish scholar, Moon is the presiding deity of the element water, and rules over the tides of the sea. Moon rules number 2 in indian numerology. Now there are 27 Nakshatras of the Moon. Nakshatras in Astrology are the 27 constellations. Now, each nakshatra has a God and a Gana. On July 29, 2010, the Satabhishak Nakshatra was in effect. Interestingly, the God of the Satabhishak Nakshatra is Varun Devata, who is the God of Water and his Gana is Rakshasa. But the Devata is also worshipped for rainfall! Tell me do you see a link emerging here? "

After Maulana Daulip Mahabali Khan made these startling revelations, NSN decided to consult Mulla Haroon Goputra, different from a Maulana with similar name but interested in missile physics. US based Mulla Haroon Goputra, founder of the Pakistani think tank Khanakya Institue of Advanced studies, is well known for looking deep into the future. As per Mulla Haroon Goputra, something wrong has happened. " See, don't argue with me but Sha'aban is the eighth month of the Islamic calendar. This is the month of ‘separation’, so called because the Arabs used to disperse in search of water. Now July 29, 2010 was the fifteenth day of Sha'aban. Mid-Sha'ban is the 15th day of the month of Sha'ban. Sunnis observe Mid-Sha'ban as a night of worship and salvation. The 'date with fate' remembers when Allah saved Noah's followers from the deluge. The Sunni narrative is that Allah determines the destiny of all people, including whether a person lives or dies, in the coming year and for this reason it is sometimes called the "Night of Emancipation". The midnight of July 28th and the morning of July 29th was the same night."

The question then begs itself, like Pakistanis often beg, does it mean that India has influenced the Moon or Chandra Devata who in concert with Allah decided to rain down on Pakistan? In short, has Allah the mightyful abandoned Pakistan ?

Contributing editors:
Dr. Haji Partapullah, NSN Lahore desk
Mullah Mahendroo, Overseas desk, Ground Zero, New Yorkabad
Vakil Nayakuddin in Bangalore, Kerala for NSN

All dates and events mentioned are true as per the respective calendars.

Musharraf vijited Africa

2010-07-30T12:54:00.001-07:00

Fatwa! Blij to IED Mubarak thij rock phormation

2010-07-17T20:44:00.001-07:00

Blij to tilt jour head sidewaej and dekho at the bicchar. It ij phrom Kuffar watan oph Purma. Some nanha mujahid should plow it ub!

Musharraf at work in the Ophice

2010-07-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

Inam winning bicchar oph Glory-e-Musharraf

2010-06-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

Komments moderated

2010-06-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

All komments were moderated - 300+ komments, but most in japaneje and chineje. What for?

Aljo please to welkome new hakimullahj:

Lalmullah
Enqyoob: mullah enqyoob
Mujahid Mullah Aalloak-uz-amman bin Ghazi
Rasululah bin Baluchi
and mullah mahdi-e-dra

any other mujahids wanting to post, or bekome hakim pleaje to kontakt the hakims.

Glory-e-Musharraf

2010-06-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Thij ij a consbiracy oph Induj Paani Treaty!

Musharraph in Goat-e-mala

2010-06-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

Mushrraph suddenly appeared in Goat-e-mala, looks imbressive!!

Know your RAW

2010-06-06T02:38:00.000-07:00

Who was the first RAW agint in Bakistan?

Bappa RAWal

Where is the RAW HQ situated in Bakistan?

RAWalpindi

Name the Epic written by Kaffir Leo Tolstoy

RAW and Peace

Name the RAW agent in Hindu ( Kaffir) Mythology

RAWan

Which Chanakian bania PM of India was also a RAW agent?

Narasimha RAW

Who is behind sectarian strife in Bakistan?

RAW

Which Australian fast bowler who performed exceedingly well against Bakistan, was also a RAW agent?

Glenn McGRAW

Which Rock N Roll band of the 80s was formed as part of a conspiracy to wean Bakistani youth away from the HoKo?

RAWling Stones

Name the RAW agent trying to wean Bakistani kids away from the HoKO by authoring the haraam Harry Potter series?

Jaswinder Kaur RAWling

Which famous Frenchman(RAW agent) predicted the break-up of India and the subsequent downward spiral of Bakistan ?

RAWstradamus

Who fathered neo Brophet(Pubic lice Be upon Him) Zaid Zaman Hamid?

RAW

What do you call a Pakistani muslim RAW agent?

Rat deserting a sinking ship

How many RAW agents does it take to change the light bulb correctly?

We will let the readers know after load -shedding

What did the African say to his Bakistani friend after reading about the 80% increase in retarded children being born in Bakistan?

RAWL down the rubber man

What is the Bakistani slang word for Fiscal deficit?

RAW conspiracy

Musharaaf Tasveer Kheencho Din

2010-05-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

Everypody Draw Musharraf Din

2010-05-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

Diyar Jirga,

Mullah Enqyoob bin Arvardi haj a wonderfool khyaal. In phact, a very Roshan Khyaal. It ij high waqt phor a Youm-e-Musharraf. What petter way to celeprate than to draw him, hain?

Blij to sujjest the halaal din phor thij cauje.

Who ij to plame indeed?

2010-05-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

Diyar Pirather Mullaj,

Blij to muaf karo phor absenj. I waj, aj they say, "ducking, bobbing and weaving" phrom the bird in the sky raining hellphyre.

It ij the waqt to ijjue Fatwa on all things haraam that lead minds of young boys into pum making. Our military eggjbert, Major Butt Retarded haj nailed hij head on a hammer.

Let uj dekho at injtrument of terrorijm. I poocho:

who invented TNT? Sweedish Kafir.

Who invented Toyota car? Japani Kafir.

Who invented banking? Angrezi Kafir.

Who invented PhyreWorks? Cheeni Kafir.

Who invented gas cylinder? German Kafir (or, waj it gas chamber?)

Who invented New Yark? Amreeki Kafir.

Who invented depression? Hindoo Kafir (I am bojitive)

All theje inventionj were ingredientj oph the blot. Why plame the boor kid? He dekho and he karo, like gandhi monkey.

oph courj, who invented Talipan? Yej, we did! put, that ij naat the boint.

Salaamj.

Al-Okullah.

Who is to Blame for Faisal Shahzad? Not Pakistan!!

2010-05-14T17:10:00.001-07:00

Diyar thoughtfool readers. Beepul blame Pakistan for Faisal Shahzad, but I think that introspection is needed and an equal amount (if not more) of the blame is to be shared by the west and wimmens. Blease consider:

1. Faisal did *not* set off a bum as long as he was *not* driving a Nissan. 3 days after buying a Nissan, what habbens? He tries to set off a bum!! He might have been born and brought up in Pakistan with phamily and friends in Pakistan, BUT The connection between Jabanese car combanies and terror should be investigated. Also note that Taliban drives Toyota and Benazir was assassinated with a sunroof lever of a Toyota. Coincidence? I think not!!

2. Reliable sources tell me that Faisal visited miscreant chat rooms on the Internet. As it is well known, Al Gore invented the Internet. Al Gore’s policies are to blame for radicalizing vast numbers oph the Ummah.

3. Faisal was US citizen for 1 year, but married for 3 years. That is 300% more influence due to marrij!! All married wimmens should introsbect about why they cause young mild mannered men to become radicalized.

4. As anyone who has held a tank of Bropane in one hand and a Can of Petrol in the other hand at the same time can tell you, the next immediate unbearable urge is to set off a firebomb among the Kuffars. Knowing that Bropane and Petrol incites the bious, why do the Kuffars insist on selling them in the same shop? That should be introsbected. (Same argument to be used phor South Bark controverjy)

5. What is it about US universities & companies that attract people from all over the world (some of whom might end up setting off bums?). As any pious Mullah will tell you, the tembtation is to blame, not the berson who acts on the tembtation. US is to blame for the temptation to join these Universities and companies. This should be fixed in the US immediately if US wants to reduce terror.

6. Whether Pakistani terror groups “export” terror or whether these groups are contacted by willing recruits for training to “import” terror should be carefully thought about. The fact that irrespective of whether it is import or export, it ij done by Pakistani groups to a Pakistani, should not distract us from this introspection.

7. US society should sit up and take responsibility for their citizens committing terror (esbecially those who came out of their own will and became citijens through marrij) by arresting them and trying them in a court. Pakistanis will support them in this endeavor, just like we did with Aafiya.

8. Pakistan too will take responsibility like it always has by arresting and trying heads of extremist organizations (Exceptions are good Taalipaan, Strategic assets, Punjabi groubs, Cashmere groups, any groub that has ever killed a Shia)

9. Why are western Jihadis well educated & from upper middle class? This should be rectified immediately by awarding bulk visas to poor illiterate beepuls from tribal areas who wish to do Jihad.

10. The explanation that many people in Pakistan want to set off bombs in the US and only educated upper middle class people get a visa is Haraam. The assumption that educated upper middle class Pakistanis went to US and after that US society radicalized them is Halal.

As a ending note, I wish to point out that restricting Visas and Citijenship to suspected Pakistani extremists, will only strengthen the hands of extremists. Not blaming Pakistanis phor Pakistani terrorijsts trained in Pakistan camps is needed for beace in South Asia, Solving afghan broblem and strenghthening democrajy in Pakistan.

Also Quasab is not Pakistani.

Bower Generashun!! part 2

2010-04-22T23:31:00.000-07:00

Kontinuing on the Prose by Jarnail Mahdi
pesh in khidmat oph the Jirga

Kehne ko Jashn-e-bahar hai
Pacquis yeh dekhke hairaan hai
Kehne ko Jashn-e-bahar hai
Pacquis yeh dekhke hairaan hai
Garibkhana se Bijjili khafa khafa hai gulshan mein
Chupa hai koi ranj bulb ki chilman mein
Sare kalee nazare hain
Soye soye vaqt ke sath mijjile dhare hain
Aur dil mein koi khoye si baatein hain
Kehne ko Jashn-e-bahar hai
Pacquis yeh dekhke hairaan hai.

Ooooo hooooo…

Salam

Bower Generashun!!

2010-04-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

Eye kame akross a post by Jarnail Mahdi-e-Dera
on one unmenshunable phorum, eye think eet eez
wise to rebost here phor eternity, lest the
eez lost during inner load shedding.

Bicchar kurtesy NSN: Brand Ambassador of Heera Mandi Janab Yousaf Raza Gilani soliciting customers at Heera Mandi Naya Maal investment seminar..Lawhore

He said that a number of foreign investors were putting their money into Pakistan's energy sector. He said the government has plans to produce about 30,000 megawatts of electricity through coal-based power projects. Thirty three different teams have been set up so that they can travel around the world begging for free coal to run the power plants
After Gilani, the Minister for Water and Power Raja Pervez Ashraf's briefed the media about the summit in Islamabad. The minister said that the government would lead by example and reduce the usage of electricity in its own offices, Ashraf said that among the various measures to conserve power was the closure of all shops and other commercial entities by 8:00 pm. Only pharmacies and other medical stores would remain open after that time. He added that the use of decorative lights for commercial activities would be restricted as well.
Rakkit mards would be used as street lights instead of supermen fighting hindoo villans
Farting in public will be banned, instead there will be designated farting areas where Pakistanis can release their flatulence and the resultant gas can be used to generate electricity to light up Minar e Bakistan, the odour will be an added bonus and perhaps a fitting tribute to the idea of Bakistan.

Bakistan looks for new coach...

2010-03-18T23:44:00.000-07:00

....bliss to be sending applicashun jaldi jaldi Mr.Chappal.

On this auspeeshias occashun, Mr Inzamam was heard saying, "Oye yaar, har saal naya banda kithe milta hai, mainoo hee bana lo. On second thoughts rehane do yaar paanch baar jhukna ab nahin hota." NSN reporter asked distinguished Australian Paki, Mr.Chappal if he wanted to be offered to the team. Mr.Chappal replied "No No Pakistan. Pakistani players always rubbing, bending and mounting during the training session. My arms pain when they do this!" On being kweschuned Mr Inzamam was heard saying "Oye yaar, Australians you know have an under arm problems and it stinks worse than Shoaib Akhtar"

DJinn takneeki

2010-03-05T00:04:00.000-08:00

NSN(Isbecial report desk) There has been unkonfermed/rumers report oph LMU
transport lab developing new takneeki, since 400 saal ago. A prave NSN
korrospondent set out to set da matter right.

Eet was diskovered dat LMU Tranpoort Lab have indeed developed yand
testing a new takneeki in kave numper 420. Pliss to see peelow to kelear
da matter

"Djinn takneeki eej ujed to make da trucks to lie on da sides and saman eej loaded unloaded without the uje oph any infedel kranes.
Reberse Dijnn takneeki eej ujed to make da truck
upright." Grand Mullah LM klariphyied to astounded NSN korroponent.

Grand Ayotollah N^3 phurder klariphyied through Djinn phone from Gobi Desert,
dat de department eej konrently in developing a new Djin Takneeki which will enable
less bious and those who do not bath on Fridins to use, which will make eet available
deep yand wide.

Mulla Dilbula has already readied a new istamp phor Patent applikashun.
Mulla Nayak has assured NSN dat his department has deeply analized all
the aspect oph da project inkluding istastitik provided by Mulla MM, and deklared the
Takneeki absolutely safe.

NSN

Ball-Jeehaard Is Not Cheating

2010-02-06T18:59:00.000-08:00

Guest bost By Rameej Raaja Phor the Bious. Hij column phor the Kuffars can be phound here

Ball-tambering, or Ball-Jeehard ij not cheating. It is legitmate resistance. One cannot wish ball tambering away, instead to end it, the "root causes" of ball tambering should be addressed. Ball tampering is because of the principled stand taken by Bakistani bowlerj who have lost everything to the oppression and domination of kuffar batsmen of other countriej. Pakistanij cannot play in their own country, and have lost all matches and do not own any trophiej. They are unembloyed, and humiliated by not being selected to IPL. In thij environment, the oppressed resort to any and all forms of legitimate rejistance. Like Ball-Jeehaard. Why is ball jeehaard condemned when Batsmen who are batting indulge in (international cricket) Council-terrorism by hitting sixers off of Pakistani bowlerj? A dramatic reduction in ball tambering can be achieved by statesman like gestures on the part of stronger teams-Like gifting the match to Pakistan.

Cricket is in the blood of Bakistanis and ball tampering wont end till the issue is resolved honorably by granting all matches to Pakistan.

Those who comblain of ball tambering by the Bakistanis forget history. The British, soon after they introduced cricket into the subcontinent for their own ulterior motives, left Pakistanis to fend for themselves and did not take an interest in giving Pakistanis money. That caused a "cricket bat" culture and Afridi comes from an upbringing of ball-tampering in this culture. Beepuls who are quick to condemn Pakistani ball tambering should note that Pakistan itself is a victim of ball tampering with several injidents reborted in all domestic matches. Pakistan did uje these ball tamberers to advanje its own agenda, however with the advent oph third umbires and camera, Pakistan decided to re-evaluate its strategic bolicy on ball tambering. It should be noted that currently Pakistani cricket board has no control over ball tamberers and does not train ball tamperers but only provides moral, diplomatic and political support to ball tampering.

The solution to eradicate the scourje of ball tambering from the subcontinent is to make sure that ball tambering is not taught in school textbooks of India, Bangladesh, Srilanka as well as Pakistan. To eliminate this threat, we should identify "good ball tamperers" from "bad ball tamperers" and let the good ball tamperers play because ball tamberers are endemic to cricket. In addition, other concessions like unilaterally awarding more overs to Pakistan in one day matches, moving boundary line inwards during Pakistan innings can be tried aljo.

Refujal to negotiate these boints will only strengthen hands oph ball tamberers.

Common Pakijtani Beepuls Greatest Charity Organization In The World!!!

2010-02-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

Sourced Phrom Yawn Neuj:

From 1971 to 2009, State Bank of Bakistan haj donated money to the tune of Rs256 billion. The figures are brejented from 1971, becauje the modest State bank does not want boast the fact that their charity campaign accelerated from from 1997 to 2009 when they donated Rs202.5 billion to charity or about 80% oph total charity ever made in Pakistan betweeen 1971 and 2009.

Of theje, donations of Rs500,000 or more were made to 22,021 beneficiaries from 1997 to 2009 amounting to Rs202.5 billion. This figure was again brodujed to protect the haanaar and dignity oph 93 of those recibients who recieved Rs193.4 billion or about 96% oph all money donated between 1997 and 2009.

Thus, the 93 rejibients got 75% of all donations made since 1971 by all banks of Bakistan. These donations are aljo referred to as "loan write offs" by State Bank of Bakistan and in wejtern accounting bractices it ij referred to as "looting".

The 93 needy beepuls were identified through a comblex process of madrassa mathematics and beshawar bookkeeping by Shortcut Aziz after October 2002 elections to save their needy businesses. On asking why Rs193 billion waj donated, Shortcut Aziz said "Theje needy beepuls were identified by meticulously following the comblex chacha-bhateeja relationship to the ruling barty boliticians and Jernails. Prudenje demanded we donate more, but misunfortunately, Rs66 Billion had to be sbent on ejjucation in 2002". It ij to be noted that Bakistan could have made the sovirgin decision of donating the Rs66 billion too if not for IMF meddling.

Thij is a broud moment of common beepuls of Bakistan whose taxes amounting to 3 years of total ejjucation budget of the entire country were donated for charity for bettering the life of 93 beepuls.

Our staff reborter states that such generosity is not seen among Joos & Yindoos.

Yai Pea Yell - 3

2010-01-22T00:27:00.000-08:00

AoA
last few dins hape been very grat kirkitwise,
TB(Team Bakistan not Tubercuolosis)had helped
TI from reigning long yat numper one, yand donated
a Test series to Gora clones, then absolutely
refused playing in Yai Pea Yell-3, much to the
discomphart oph ebil Bhartiyas and great mirth
oph pious Bakistan. Since a poetry is norm when
happy, pesh hai

The embers of anger,
Of ruthless exploitation,
The impotent anger arising
Of perennial nashunal bird dropping
Of crimes and commissions
Of the political masters
Is simmering slow
As the mussarraf is aglow
With Cricket's IPL-3 Show

The burns really hurt
After the last bid was over,
When the pangs of hunger
Returns with as vengeance,
And the moojahids surrenders
To the silence of terror
And life limps on
Without even the leftovers
Of the bountiful IPL-3 oppressors.

Salam.

Nashunal Bird

2010-01-18T01:52:00.000-08:00

By the Plyons of the Nashunal Bird tossed
From the Wings where she fly under the Sun
Flew the Mijjile
To the kave where daylight is lost,
So it flew from the light of the Sun
And alone!

Oh Thou Who hast builded the Natshunal Bird,
Oh Thou Who hast lighted its Injin,
Oh Thou Who hast darkened the Kave,
Judge Thou
The sin of the Mijjile that was hurled
By the Natshunal Bird from the Plyons on the Wings,
As Moojahids sinks in the mire of the darkened Kave,
Even now--even now--even now!

OOOO! Bakistan

2010-01-10T22:45:00.000-08:00

Bakistan is a wonderful Place,
where from moojahids get fame.
Some nonWKKs watching are tense,
When they see the moojahids hit the switch to Vakum plast.
Some WKKs buy tickets,
To embrace the Moojahids getting their raisns.
There is a AdM who works hard to concentrate,
Then there are Maulanas who tries to make him frustrate.
There was an Amir who always made the right decision,
To help Moojahids who are out to accomplish a mission.
But these days there is a lot of chaos in Bakistan,
Because the Moojahids deliberately tread on the toes.
I hope Amir is returned sincerely,
So that everyone can live it happily.

Pakistan beats Central African Repblic and wins Boxing Trophy...

2010-01-07T01:20:00.001-08:00

Pakistan beats Central African Repblic and wins Boxing Trophy...
Nine more additions to pakistan iyat.

PAKISTAN, Karachi : Boxers from the Central African Republic and Cameroon pray during a conversion ceremony from Christianity to Islam in Karachi on January 5, 2010. Nine African boxers converted to Islam on the sidelines of an international boxing tournament in Pakistan on January 5, saying they were impressed by the humanity and righteous ways of the religion. The boxers flew to Karachi to compete in the contest named after Pakistan's assassinated former prime minister Benazir Bhutto and drawing participants from 20 countries around the world. AFP PHOTO/ ASIF HASSAN

Benis Khapayy!!

2010-01-05T23:05:00.000-08:00

Diyar Mullaj and Mujahids,
Rapid IED muparaks in Benistan annexxe haj caused many mujahids to become gayab.
Bhat in the name of Allah haj the situashun come to? Boor state of Bakistan now mirrors boor state of Benistan.

Grand mullahs Shreeman and Amir E hab been long lapata. They must have gone to FATA.
No neuj of many biraders. They must have gone to Gwadar.
Aj a rejult, Benistan has become like Liaqat Ali gate displayed oopar tasvir.
In Bakistan, everydin Zardari das perceni says "Bakistan khapay", "Cash amir khappay" this khapay , that khapay. Bhy for mujahids with valid vija have deserted Benis and plog?

2009-12-31T19:52:00.000-08:00

Diyar Mullaj,

Blij to issue Fatwas in your masjids. Thij ij haraam. There can be no Love petween countries. True love ij only bossiple petween a mullah and hij goat.

SooSai Vest

2009-12-17T18:14:00.000-08:00

before I left the house
I told my son
that evening
I was going
to the First Artillery Force Madarssa of Engineering
to talk to a group of students learning how to make soosai vests
about poetry
I told him: what you have to do
is behave yourself
and stay put
until your mother gets home

that evening
after I’d gone
my son must have been confused
he couldn’t figure out
how his father
who could only talk about poetry
had the right
to go and lecture
people who would one day be making soosai vests
soosai vests were so awesome
while poetry was stuff like
“Before my bed there is bright moonlight . . .”*

three hours later
when I got back
my wife was already home
my son was still not in bed
he asked me
if I had seen any soosai vests
no, I said, and added:
I had seen the money and that was fine
I handed him
an envelope given to me by a colonel
he counted the money in it
then said to me
next time, go and give a talk
to people making Atim Bums
they’re sure to give you even more

AoA

Bostcard from the Edge (of civilization)

2009-12-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

Diyar Mullahs,

Blij to maaf karo laang absenj phrom Plog. I waj with Mullah Wahamullah in a Phata-phut tour of FATA.

I have dekho some peautifool lands and even more peautifool goats. However, Bakistani Fauj is engaging in haraam activity. Even so, our birathers are busy placing Welcome Mats all along the roads. Phor some reason, they are digging holes and placing these mats underground.

I poocho Wahamullah and he said, "It ij phor IED Mubarak". I don't samjho put the great Mullah (Goats Pe Ubon Him) ij naat alwayj eejee to understand.

We witnessed some extensive building improvements underway in schools for wimmens. So far, brogress is good. The demolition phase of the work is niyarly comblete. Wahamullah sej that I don't samjho again -- the entire broject ij niyarly comblete. The great Mullah (Beard May Grow on Him) did not exblain.

We also dekho the national Bird of FATA. It waj flying very high in aasmaan. The biratherj told us that some timej the bird sends fire phrom the sky. I don't pelieve it put Wahamullah sej "petter pelieve it chotae, or the Drone will vijit you at night". Again the great Mullah (Fatwas May Isuue from Him) sboke in riddles.

Thij ij it phor this letter. Next week I will rebort on Waziristan.

Many Salaams,

Abdul Al-Okullah

Pindigenoujly Develobed Anti Miscreant Equipment

2009-11-19T15:52:00.000-08:00

In a bositive develobment, Pakistani dephenje scientists have 200,000 percent pindigenously develobed anti miscreant detection devijes. Thij phollows in the gloriouj phootsteps oph the pindigenous satellite develobment that made us 400 per cent better than Yindia. Theje devijes have been imborted phrom China in a joint development contract and ishtamped "Made in Pakistan", ujing ishamps aljo made in China. The devijes, manufactured by Foonk-Zundri industries in China, were bought phor cash, just like the satellite, and will help in catching miscreants in Waziristan and Swat.

The device comej in three formj. The jernailist verjion, called "Nuttybaranoia V1" consists oph a red color reciever to be worn over the head and a transparent detector to be worn over the face and can sbot RAW, CIA, Mossad, Yindoo, Yankee, Joo agints. Pakistanis, taalipaan, and patriotic terrorists are not detected or seen by theje devijes.

Zaid Hamid Demojtrating the Kanspeerajy Detection Devije in phorm of Lal topi and eye glasses. He can spot Joo, RAW, CIA, Mossad and Yindu agints everywhere.

There ij aljo a military verjion, in the phorm of a face mask which looks like a constibated baboon, called "Baghdad Bob V2" which haj better detection and can aljo detect common medical conditions oph Pakistani citijens. Thij waj demonstrated by Athar Abbas, who saw bodies, some with torture marks and some with limbs tied and a bullet in the neck and head, on the roads of Mingora and immediately said "These beepuls have died oph old age".

Athar Abbas, ujing "Baghdad Bob V2" devije and looking at mass graves in Kukarai, Daulai and Shah Dheri village. He immediately declared "these pits are not graves but in fact fields planted by the bious and gentle Pakistani army to grow more beepuls".

The civilian high sojiety verjion, haj the ability to hide all violenje, make beepuls sing rock songs and generally not give a rat's musharraf about the beepuls dying in Peshawar. Thij comes in the phorm of a wepsite called teetar and ij called the "Summer of taalipaan hash tag V3"
The "teetar verjion" oph the devije which makes beepul declare "Oh all thij taalipaan violenje is exaggeration by west, let uj all get self righteous about it. Better than pheeling sorry phor those who died"

Boetry

2009-11-18T02:04:00.000-08:00

O sweet spontaneous
Khuspoo how often have
the doting fingers of
prurient Mullahs pinched
and poked thee

has the naughty thumb
of Fauji Aphsars prodded
thy beauty.

How often have Talips taken
thee upon their scraggy knees
squeezing and buffeting thee

True to the incomparable
couch of death thy
rhythmic lover

thou answerest them only with
a lovely bray.

AoA

Pakistan takes prinjibled ishtand on Kerry-Lugar bill

2009-11-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

NSN Reports: In a dramatic and unexpected develobment Pakistan has taken a prinjibled ishtand on the Kerry-Lugar legislation which tribled aid to Pakistan to 7.5 Billion dollars.

Interior minister Rehman Malik said "It ij a core part of Pakistani prinjiple to take money whenever offered and demand for more. According to our prinjibles, we will take the money and do GUPO or whatever elje is asked from us. Bakistan has decided to take thij prinjibled ishtand on money and will not budge from this ishtand." Analysts hailed the Pakistani prinjibled ishtand. It might be recalled that the legislation contained crippling brovijions that went against Pakistani national conjience and interests. Some of the crippling stipulations include

Only upto 95% of the aid money can be looted by Pakistani boliticians and the army
No Pakistani citijen can hold two ranks simultaneously (above the rank of "Commander") in Pakistani Army as well as the taalipaan
No Pakistani Batriot should be demoted to RAA/CIA agint within 6 months
Substantial part of aid money (no less than 0.0001%) to be devoted to ejjucation, to produce atleast one person of double digit IQ per year
Pakistani Navy to be restrained from using their Frigates and other ships in waziristan mountains to fight against the taliban (and billing the US)
Coups to be restricted to once every ten years

Brisling at these restrictions Pakistani Ambassador to the US, Hussain Haqquani said "Bakistan will violently oppose any restrictions and conditionalities on aid. Imbosing conditionalities indicate lack of trust, like when the US did not trust bakistanis when they made biss agreements with taalipaan. Lack of baksheesh will lead to lack of educational opportunities to Pakistanis, leading to 4th std fail jihadis who do IED mubarak all over the world. Baksheesh is needed to produce 10th std pass jihadis to do the IED mubarak. What would you rather have ? Being blown up by bakistani trained unwashed, dirty bearded jihadi or blown up by bakistani trained clean shaven, jeans clad jihadi ?".

However, certain analysists pointed out that by agreeing to these conditionalities, pakistan is letting US poke one foot, thereby getting in through the back channel of Pakistan. Analyist J. Sethi said "Some of the conditions are double speak. For example, condition no 2 means that Bakistan eventually might be forced to abandon terrorism, jihad, random bombing and killing thereby striking at the core of our nationhood. What next ? Every donor country demanding that Pakistanis dont train to bomb their countries ? Thij is unacceptable"

Prominent examiner of other people's sex lives and toilet humorist Ejaz Haider said: the strategic socio political analysis of the capital based foundation of bakistani US transactional diplomatic agreements indicate....Bliss to give more baksheesh :( !! We will GUPO for baksheesh !! Elje we will send a JDAM !!! bliss to do GUPO without telling anyone to save our H&D . If you take our H&D we will send JDAM !!! Bliss to give baksheesh !!"

An exclusive interview with Rehman Malik confirmed Pakistan's principled stand

NSN: What are the next steps ?
Rehman Malik: In accordanje with Pakistani brijibles, soon we will start comblaining about how little the money ij and demand phor more. We will aljo proceed start comblaining about how Amreeka abandoned Pakistan in time of need.

NSN: The conditions include making progress on atleast one of the 10,000 terrorism cases. Things like Mumbai.
Rehman Malik: Quasaub is not Pakistani

NSN: The conditions include removing bakistani army membership from Quetta Shura
Rehman Malik: Quetta is not in Pakistan

NSN: What about Pakistani priciples ?
Rehman Malik: Prinjibles are not in Pakistan

Motion Passed on Wimmens in Barliament

2009-11-16T13:11:00.000-08:00

In a revolutionary develobment, members of bakistani NA todin passed motion in the parl-e-ment. The motion panned all domestic violenje. Wimmens will no longer suffer in Bakistan. This new law was hailed by analysts and bakistani citijens are a huge progress towards ending wimmens suffrage in bakistan.

According to the bill, domestic violence includes — but is not limited to — ‘all intentional acts of gender-based or other physical or psychological abuse committed by an accused against women, children or other vulnerable persons, with whom the accused person is or has been in a domestic relationship’. Brime minister Gilani who said "Bliss to note, all apuse where the accused is not is a domestic relationship is not covered by the law" and said "youtupe videos cannot be ujed as evidenje". He aljo added "Squeezing ij not apuse"

Brime minister Gilani said that any wimmens who have peen abujed need only pring 4 witnesses to the court to give testimony against the man. To prevent misuje of this law, a provision has peen made whereby any wimmens who do false allegation can be stoned; except in cases where blasphemy can be proved, in which case the wimmens will be burned. To further prevent misuje, this law will not be applicable in FATA, NWFP, Azad Cashmere, Blochistan, armed phorjes in blochistan, doctor wimmens who work in blochistan, Parts of Krachi, Mohallas with Pashtun majority, Injide the farms owned by feudals, to Mullahs, Munir Akram, during brotests or taalipaan jirga handing out stribes in Swat. To brotect bakistani culture and traditional vocations, beepuls in punjab, karo kari, nanha peachy bottomed mujahids in madrassas and animal huspandry will be exempt. On being asked about the law, interior minister Rehman malik said "Animal huspandry is not covered becauje Kushpoo ij not considered to be a vulnerable berson, becauje kushpoo ij not a berson". Analysts say that thij law will strengthen the hand of gilani, becauje ten perjenti's appeal to add an exception to Sarah Palin was rebuffed.

In a reaction to this law, the bakistani association phor bractising hanaar and domejtic apuse of wimmens---which claims 400% membership of Bakistani men--quickly changed its name to Tehreek-e-beatings-e-motorma-al-kanadian-vija. The supreme court declared Tehreek-e-beatings-e-motorma-al-kanadian-vija to pe legal as only the bakistani association phor bractising hanaar and domejtic apuse of wimmens was panned. Munir Akram filed a amicus-curae briefing that diplomats, diplomatic and consulatory purposes like ijjuing travel papers and vijas were exempt from this law. Commenting on thij develobment, Madam Mazari said "Thij ij a YYY kanspeeracy to destroy our bakistani values and introduce alien concepts to us like bollywood music, civility and respect for wimmens". Ejaz Haider added "Thij is a landmark event in Bakistani polity, comprable to the rejent development of Swat Bolis wearing pants. With bolis wearing pants and abuje of wimmens law, India bakistan now equal equal". He aljo added "To the regular readers of this column: Here is todin's quota of my toilet humor: Mijjile, poo, Mijjile, Mijjile, poo joke he he".

Mushtalgia

2009-11-11T22:47:00.000-08:00

Kopyrite-e-NSN 2009

Allah aapka bhalu kare... (moojical edishan)

2009-11-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

Rejently, in the LMU mushy-aria rooms, the following strain baj heard by LMU Skolar Roh Ul Shukl Al Gebri, adapted phrom haraam gana of Mullah Biryani Adumj.

To reelly luv a bhalu
To undarstaand him
You've got To kno whatz deep inside (the kave)
Heear ebery screem, see ebery paw
An just giv into him when he bants To bite
An bhen joo phind yuarselph lying helpless in hij arrrrms
Joo kno joo really luuuuuuuvvved a bhalu…

(Charas:)

When joo luv a bhalu
Joo tel him he’j reely wantd
When joo luv a bhalu
Joo tel him dat he’j da von
He needj somebaaady
To tell him itz nat gonna laaaaaaast phoreber
So tel me hab joo eber reely
Reely, reely eber luuuuuuuuvvved a bhalu….

To reely luv a bhalu
To LeT him hold joo
Til joo know he needj Ashaa (dinner)
Joo gotta LeT him breeth joo
An let him tast joo
Unteel joo kan feel him in jour blaad…
Bhen joo kan see jour unphinished jeehard in hij eyej
Than joo kno joo reely luuuuuuuuvvved a bhalu...

So tel me hab joo eber reely
Reely, reely eber luuuuuuuuvvved a bhalu….

Ting, tang, tang, ting, tong, tooooong...
Reely…. Reely…. eber luuuuuuuuvvved……………………………. a bhalu

sniph, sniph...

sniph, sniph...

The End (reelly reelly)

(Klap klap)

Breaking Neuj: Diplomacy sought as a solution

2009-11-03T02:14:00.000-08:00

NSN Islamabad (lede): LMU, Isloo, the nations premier institution on theology and AK phyrring, has condemmed today's terrorist attack on peace loving Kashmiris. LMU has also given a fatwa calling for all bears (and hirsute animals like Rehman Malik and Shrileen Mazari) as Raw, Mossad and CIA operatives. They claim that there is a Yankee-Yehudi-Yindoo (YYY Axis) conspiracyafoot. Major Jarnail Otter Abass says that there is now "concrete" proof of Indian involvement in terrorist attacks

Update 1: Reports are coming in that the Pakistan Army is trying to sign a peace teaty with all bears. Like Nobel LauratePresident Obama of USA, Pakistan President Zardari had also decided to host a bear summit. More as it breaks...

This is NSN

Two moojahids embrace shahadat

2009-11-03T01:32:00.000-08:00

LMU Bojitive Neuj Desk, Indian Held Cashmere: Peace loving, bious freedom fighters of charity organisation Lashkur-e-Taiba, Bashir and Mohammad, who had gone phor jeehard against the koopher in kashmir, went up a hill to a cave caamplex to promate biraderly love. Before they could dijplay their superior downhill skiing skiilj, they were captured py a short, dark rice eating bear in the cave aj they went. The bear told them that they would pe punished phor coming into hij cave camplex. But pecauje they were tall, fair and tight musharaffed moojahids, they were allowed to chooj their bunishment.

The choices were GUBO or Shahadat.

Bashir waj the phirst to go, and in true brave bakistani istyle he choje GUBO. Misphortunately, the GUBO was so severe that he attained Shahadat.

Now it waj Mohammad's turn. Very mindphul oph what had happened to Bashir he decided to chooj direct Shahadat instead oph GUBO so that he would go to djannat with pride.
The pear aggreed and pronounced hij punishment

"GUBO till Shahadat"

Daan neuj also haj story

(Bith inpoots fram NSN Reborter n LMU grajooate Saguddin Peshawari)

A Lament

2009-10-27T05:14:00.001-07:00

When eye was a nanha moojahid

looking at me khuspoo eye asked

what will eye be what will eye be

will eye be a Rakitmard, will eye

be gilly-al-gropper, will eye be 20%

que sera sera

what will be will be

da future is not ours to see

when eye was a nanha Mulla yat LMU

eye asked me mulla

what will eye try what will eye try

shall eye try soosai vesti,

shall eye try Khuspoo rearing

shall eye try GUPO

this was his wise reply

que sera sera

what will be will be

the future is not ours to see

when eye akuired me first Ayesha

eye asked her

will there be rainbow day after day

she replied

que sera sera

what will be will be

da future is not ours to see.

que sera sera

yaalla ya tow mujhe mera future bata dey

nahi tow itna lamba mijjile dey ki mai apna

GUPO khud kar loo

que sera sera.

Salam

Ode to the Land of Pure

2009-10-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

O give me a home, where the Predators roam
Where the goats and the moo-jahids play
Where ebery man, ij a raakit mard,
And wimmens are in a boorqa all day.

Oh, give me a land in the shape of a l*nd
where a man can take a kushboo to bed
Where on every square, a mijjile ij there
painted green and red.

Home, home of the strange
Where the goats and the moo-jahids play
Where ebery man, ij a raakit mard,
And wimmens are in a boorqa all day

Decadence of the west, Morality and Jeehaard

2009-10-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

Everyday when I switch on the tv, a constant stream of half clad bollywood danjers assault my senjes. If I change chanels to UK, Amreeki chanels, I get fully nakid gori wimmens. One cannot read Playboy or Hustlar without seeing the nakid wimmens between the interesting interviews and advice columns.

How can the youth of this country grow up to be bious and uncorrupted in this environment ? This pervasive moral decadence of the west is the reason for their scientific and technological stagnation over the past two centuries, while the bious have forged ahead with scientific, technological and economic progress. We should take utmost care to not fall into such a trap brought on by wejtern style decadence.

The jawab lies in revijting our culture. The culture of sexual decadence of western mens indulging in relationships with several wimmens should be shunned, and bious men should be faithful to all their 4 wiphes. The culture of treating wimmens as mere objects should be shunned and instead morality of wimmens should be protected by making sure they are properly covered, chaperoned at all times and married off at the right age, while taking care that too much education does not corrupt their wold view. No effort in monitoring and supervising the activities of wimmens should be spared, to prevent wimmens from being treated as mere possessions or objects. Punishing the wayward is an important part of this.

The bious mens who struggle aginst such decadent culture of the west will be rewarded in the afterlife with constant sensual pleasures of 72 virgins who carry out every wish, and are at the beck and call of their masters. The task is simple: Bious men should at all times think of sensuous pleasures (in the afterlife) to protect them from the temptation of decadence (in this life). Being tempted by sexual activities (in this life) might cause mens to commit violence (in this life). Instead mens should be tempted by sexual activities (in the after life) and declare jeehaard (in this life).

NSN Press Release: Confusion reigns in Waziristan Operations

2009-10-24T01:54:00.000-07:00

For immediate release:

SWA, October 23 (NSN): In a bizarre incident, the Pakistani army attacked a training camp in Waziristan only to discover that they were already in charge of the facility. Reliable sources say there is considerable anguish in the army over the incident. "We were watching the Hindi movie Wake Up Sid when the attack happened," said Captain Anwar, one of the injured officers from the camp. "We have been training mujahideen for over ten years in that camp. How can they make such a mistake??"

Describing the incident, Major Junaid, one of the officers who led the charge, said that the army HQ received information about a terrorist training camp from the Americans. They quickly ordered a strike group to stage an attack on the camp. The group was preparing for fireworks very close to the site when they came across a group of tribals preparing to attack the camp with rockets.

Things went quickly downhill as the tribals got excited by looking at red handkerchiefs inexplicably tied to the rifles of all soldiers. "They obviously thought we were another militia coming to attack the camp, as we are all tall, fair and good-looking," explained Major Junaid.

Encouraged by their apparent strength in numbers, the tribals launched a frontal assault on the camp. Soldiers from inside the camp returned fire. Major Junaid and his men had to then fire in self-defence. "This was the biggest case of friendly fire there ever was," said Major Junaid.
At least 50 people died in the confusion before the situation was brought under control. Attracted by gunfire, a huge number of tribals quickly descended on the scene. "In a country of cowards people would usually disperse and hide in their homes upon hearing gunfire?" joked Major Junaid. "But we belong to a martial race. We also had difficulty in identifying who is from the army and who is a tribal - as we are all tall, fair and good-looking."

The tribals wanted a public burial for their fallen men while the army wanted the tribals to arrange funeral for the dead soldiers as well. Tribal elders had to intervene and work out a compromise. They sorted the bodies in two piles, one they named 'Martyrs of Pakistan' and the other 'Martyrs of Islam'. But then the army officers angrily tried to merge both piles saying things like "Pakistan is Islam", "two-nation theory" and "raison d'etre". This led to another clash and at least 50 more people died.

American resident in Islamabad, Janab Richard Holebrook has hailed President Zardari for the incident. "We are not aware of minor details," he said. "But the bottomline is that 100 terrorists are dead, and America is safer because of that. We have to thank President Zardari for this."

Meanwhile, Pakistan's Minister for Interior spokesman Rehman Mallik said that security forces have made significant gains in SWA in the ongoing war on terror. "The army attacked a training camp today and managed to eliminate a number of terrorists," he said. "We have identified at least 100 dead foreign militants from Chechnya and Uzbekistan."

Pakistan is a staunch ally of the United States in the war on terror. Since siding with the United States, Pakistan has handed over more than 500 Al-Qaeda terrorists to coalition forces. The international prestige of Pakistan has been soaring ever since, with a return to Commonwealth, the Major Non-NATO Ally status, liberal aid from the US and loan rescheduling from international donor agencies.

Rahe-na-Ijjat oberation reveals Shocking inphormation-- Mujlims are minority in Bakistan, Majority of Bakistan is Joos and Yindoos !

2009-10-21T04:33:00.000-07:00

A phoren agency monitoring newjbaper reborts in bakistan haj calculated that 99.5% of Bakistanis are Joos and Yindoos. This ij expected to be confirmed in the next bakistani census which will be held immediately over the next century. It might be recalled that in the last census (in 1981) 98% of Bakistanis were muslims. Oph the remaining 1% were booked phor Plasphemy law and could not comblete the census, and the remaining 1% were unintelligible when asked becauj they were busy.

30% of bopulation, who make up almost all of Waziristan, tripal areas and NWFP, including Baitullah are Joos. This was confirmed by the army who then urged the bious bakistanis to take up arms and fight. In return, the talipaan made the shocking revelation that all of bakistani army (another 30% of bopulation) were kuffar amreeki agints (assumed to be crijtians). All of blochistan (another 20% of bopulation) was declared to be RAAaaw agints, which was revealed to yindian brime minister in a top secret dassier brepared by Prime minijter Geelani. These RAAaaw agints are secretly born in over 100,000 yindian conjulates in Aphghanistan. The dassier was so top secret that officials denied any knawlij of the dassier

The remaining 20% of bopulation, 33% are misguided mujlims who have been prainwashed (conphirmed by analyjsts and yindian beace workers), 33% are ahmadis (who are not mujlims), 33% are phrom unmentionable religion (hint: It begins with "Shee"). Oph the orginal 100%, 25% listed their brofession as soosai bambers and part time jeeehaaardis. Since Ijlaam is religion of biss, and these beepuls are not peaceful, it must be that they are not muslims. The rest of the 5% of bakistanis were made of 3% of non-state actors, who rejide in ships in bakistani nullahs and the other 2% with family name as "Quasab" are not bakistanis. This was conphirmed by a personal communique phorm minijster of posterior, Rehman Malik.

The remaining 50.3% are wimmens, and bakistan currently doej not have the technawlaji to determine their religion

Jundullah is not Bakistani - Inphormation Minister Rehman Malik

2009-10-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

Aphter the IED mubarak in Iran, the Iranian guvrmand is having a three day meeting to decide on responje and to assess who was responjible for the plast.

However, without waiting for the statement from the Guvrmand of Iran, bakistani terrorist response team swung into action. Thij team, it may be recalled is made of (former) terroijt sympathizers entrusted with protecting the image oph bakistan after every terrorijt attack in the world. This committee released a bunch of pre-emptive statements. These statements were given to various neujbapers and TV channels to use iph necessary.

There is a video clib of Prejident Zardari who smiled and said "Jundullah is not bakistani". Thij was followed by interior minijter Rehman Malik, who said "more proof is needed to prosecute the bakistani terrorists who attacked Iran. Bleaje send another dassier". Prime minister Geelani then said "Bakistan suspects a foreign hand (cough. Iranian. cough) in the rejent load shedding injidents in Krachi". Foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi said that more aid waj needed (without carry-loocar conditions) to uplift the society of bakistan to avoid such injidents in future.

Meanwhile prominent analysits swung into action. Lal-tin-topi award winner Zaid Hamid said "Iranians are secret yindoos and blochis are yehudi. The Iranian's prejidents name is "Aham-in-naahi-Jat" which is a combination of Sanskrit, English, Bihari and Sikh. It is clear a kanspeerajy is being waged against bakistan". Ejaaz Hidehere pitched in and aphter making a few toilet related jokes and double entendres said "The prosecution of modern statecraft in the post magna carta era of any nation founded on the basis of modern principles of statehood demands we create hordes of unwashed apduls who terrorize our neighbors, who then can be leveraged to demand aid money from everyone" . Bakistani ambassadaor Haqqani added "Every terrorijt is a bakistani, but not all bakistanis are terrorijts, so blease to not plame Jundullah like yindia is blaming quasaub"

Breaking news:
Iranian guvrmand declared that the nationality of the bamber cannot be determined. Common bakistani apduls are dissabbointed and vowed to wage jeehard against Iranians.

We demand Nople Brije for Frontline Al-lie Bakistan !! (without carry-loocar conditions)

2009-10-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

Todin is a dark din (due to load shedding). Coming to practical matters, Amreeki jernail Hussain Ombaba has been given noble piss prije. What did he accomplish ?

Did he show commitment like Zulfiqr who made us all eat grass but made sure Qadeer stole the bum ? Zulfiqr's glorious achievements are hanging from a pedestal for all to see ! Did he demonstrate bersonal couraj like Begum Bhutto who refujed the bow down her head while facing a bum and chose to give up her life instead ? Did he demonstrate love of the nation like our brave jernail musharraf, who stood in the line of phyrr and refused to stop serving the nation in and out of uniform, and it took many months and effort to compel him to rest ? Did he show piety and faith like Zia who gave us a true justice system, delivering justice to any wimmens who could produce 4 witnesses ? Did he demonstrate commitment to economic advancement to do whatever it takes to bring us money like Zardari, who has brought us much more money from US than any any other country in the world (which was not invaded) ? Did he scientifically advance a nation, by showing humility to borrow the best ideas, practices and blueprints from companies and websites like Abdul Qadeer ? Did he then show magnanimity of Qadeer by spread the knowledge to everyone who asked ? Did he show the tenacity and resolve of bakistani

army, who despite repeated retreats came back again and again, and did not rest till they signed a peace treaty with the taalipaan ?

What did he actually do ? Not a single thing. The achievement of any 1 of the bakistanis above equals achievement of 8 ombabas

Our arap brothers have stolen a march over bakistanis. They have their own arafart who won the nople prije. What great injustice !

Bakistan has struggled more for the rights of oppressed people than arafart. Due to the strong and prinjibled stand, the rights of the punjabis have been protected against the marauding blochis and pashtuns by awarding punjabis their fair share of water (from the sindhis), fair share of embloyment (by embloying them in the army), their fair share of natural resources (from blochistan) and fair share of money and economic develobment (from everyone else). Suarly, pakistanis deserve a prije for protecting the right of the weak !

I probose we all declare a jeeehaaard on the nobel committee to award the next biss prize to bakistan (without carry-loocar conditions).

Added later:

A mullah brings it to my attenshun that the nopel to Ombaba waj becauj people were expecting great things from him in the future.

Well then, here is a fatwa:

JEEEHARRRRRD !!! NOBALL BRIJE FOR BILAWAL !!!!!!!!! (without carry-loocar conditions)

Akhil Kumar not Indian : Shashi Tharoor

2009-10-11T23:18:00.000-07:00

NSN Rebort: Refuting Bakistan's claim that Indians were involved in the attack on GHQ, Shashi Tharoor, Indian minister of external and extra marital affairs cat-e-gorically refuted the claim that Akhil Kumar was an Indian citizen. There is no body with that name in the muncipal records of HD Devegowda Nagar, Bangalore, Kerala his statement read.

Earlier, Indian neuj channel NDTV had released transcripts of an interview with Akhil Kumar's father Srinivasa Myensinkai a vegetable vendor who confessed to have sold his son to the Hindu extremist Sangh Parivar, upon further questioning he turned abusive and started mouthing words like " nimma appan ****".
Readers are reminded that it is common practice in the villages in India for families to sell their sons to the Sangh Parivar whose main aim is the destruction of Islam.
Meanwhile Akhil Kumar alias Dr Usman's wakil Gunga Din has alleged third degree torture and stated that his client was innojant.
The case has taken an interesting and international turn after Akhil's confession in which he also owned up to being a part of the team that attacked the Lankan Cricketers in Lahore. On being asked for Lankan opinion, the Sri Lankan High commisioner to Bakistan chuckled and said that the only way the Lankans could assist the probe would be to provide methuvadai and Sambar so that the flow of information from Akhil Kumar would not be interuppted by the lack of vegetarian food

more later

Deadly Terrorist group Abhinav Bharat pehind terrorist attack?

2009-10-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

Abhinav Bharath behind attack on GHQ, Karsevak and ring leader -Akhil Kumar arrested

NSN Reborts: The military released photographs of the four karsevaks killed Saturday, all young men with shreds of saffron uniforms visible on the corpses, while a bargaidyar and a leftanant-karnail were among the army dead.

He said that two soldiers and four of the hindus were killed in the hours-long rescue operation. One hindu escaped and chanted a number of mantras before being injured and arrested, he was then taken to the dakktar khana for emergency plastic surgery.

After a hour long surgery doctors were able to re-attach ISI mark evidence before the news of Akhil Kumar alias Dr Usman's arrest was made public. He has also reportedly confessed to a number of high profile attacks including impersonating Hafeez Sayeed and Ajmal Kasab

Following this development Pakistan has demanded that India be declared as a terrorist state, a demand supported by Arundathi Roy and Kuldip Nayar

More Braking Neuj: India rejbonjible for GHQ Pindi attack?

2009-10-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Breaking News: Pakistan to brake off talks with India over Rawalpindi Attack

NSN: sources confirm that Pakistani ministers at the highest level have decided that there cannot be any further peace talks with India under the current climate of terror and the latest incident of terror attacks in Rawalpindi. Dossiers are on their way, together with video and other evidence to Indian counterparts.
More news as it is made up, on the hour, every hour. This is NSN!

Breaking Neuj: Pindi Attack (bith updates)

2009-10-11T23:13:00.001-07:00

GHQ attack to have wide ramifications

From the desk of NSN Analyeast: Todin's GHQ attack will have wide ramifications in the coming week. It may be recalled that among the six gunmen, 4 were killed in the checkpoint, 3 escaped, two were arrested by the bolis and five took 15 hostages. Out of the 15 hostages, an oberation by the SSG freed 25 with 3 of them shaheed.

The first impact of this incident will be on Yindo-Baki relationship. Interir minister Rehman Malik said "The involvement of foreign hands cannot be ruled out. Bakistan has prepared a dassier to hand over to Yindians". Unnamed guvrmand sources revealed that the evidenje includes the fact that no Yindoo and Yehudi embloyees were in the GHQ on the day of attack. Furthermore since ijlaaam is religion of biss and since it was conclujively estabilished that it was not a bissfool incident, the attackers should have been yindu and yehudi.

The second impact will be on the power balance in the country. The GHQ attack cemented the bakistani army as the leading institution of bakistan. Common abduls on the street said "Whenever Bakistani army attacks the parliament, the civilians flee and give up power and coup happens. Now when mujahids attacked GHQ, the prave bakistani army stood firm and it took only 24 hours for bakistani army to throw them out. The country will be better ruled by the army".

A Marshall law may be imbosed becauj of the new popularity of the army.

Breaking Neuj: Pindi Attack

2009-10-11T23:10:00.000-07:00

NSN Reborter Anjanullah waj there:

Attack on Pak-Army GHQ: A Case of Mistaken Identitiy ?

NSN Reports: Today the pakistani army GHQ came under massive attack from miscreants. Reliable reports indicate that a battered toyota pickup, of the type used by the Pak army, approached the GHQ checkpoint. The pickup had 6 bearded men, firing the AKs into the air shouting "Jeeeehaaaarrrd". Fooled by their appearance and assuming that they were Pak army regulars under deputation, they were let through. The army got an inkling of their deadly agenda only at the second checkpoint. When the bearded men did not surrender, but fired back when challenged. The guards manning the gates immediately realized that they were not typical Pak army regulars. Since the guards were outnumbered 30 to 6, they abandoned their posts and let the miscreants through. The news broke in Rawalpindi at a press conference called by interior minister Rehman Malik, who amidst the sound of gunfire and bomb explosions revealed details of the attack and claimed that the situation had ended.

However, the attack was still progressing. An early respite came to the Pakistani army when two of the miscreants, mistaking their own bearded collegues crying out "Jeeehaaard" to be top generals of the army, shot at four of their colleagues killing them. They then proceeded to take over 50 hostages. The army top brass is intensely worried about the situation, since the 50 hostages were armed to the teeth and these arms might now be used by the two miscreant hostage takers.

NSN reporters are on the scene, posting updates as the situation develops.

Bojitibe Kirket Neuj

2009-10-04T04:11:00.001-07:00

AoA yand asssalamalaykum, last raat Bakistan lost to Kuffar Noozeeland, in a very Bojitibe manner. Since Bakistan kirkit eej

onlee to beat Yindia,yand eet has akomplished eet mission, derephore

to preserve Baki Dollah so dat Bakese kan kontinue to import ghass da team management decided to give da match to da kuffars.

Da public roona-dhoona seen eej just deekhawa, to preserve da yeh & Dee oph da kuffar Keewee.

Salam

LMU Brofessors are recognijed bhorld ober in Bakistan

2009-09-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

Diyar Biraders, AoA!
Bhe have bojitive newj on Fridin today
LMU mein sabka jhanda (and danda) oopar rahe!

The Ishtory oph a Gola

2009-09-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

There once was a Mushy with an ash very tight
He could simply bend over and win every fight

Came visiting to Lahore, was an old Bania kafir
Extended his hand, but the General didn't stir

In the shadows of snow, He climbed up Kargil
When his ash got whupped, He skied Downhill

Amritraj barked orders in an Amreekan accent
Dictator got greased up four hundred percent

He suspended a Judge and became the President
Installed a Short-cut PM, banker non-resident

Came election season and the Bibi got blown
CJ came calling with some balls he had grown

Kiyani sent him packing to his home in exile
He now sits in London, a-stewing in his bile

Bredator Bosing aj Reborter?

2009-09-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

Diyar Jirga,

Blij pe advijed that a bredator ij coming with das pooch.

Wahamullah haj learned that the bredator ij a wimmens, yani ki janaanaa. Blij make sure to check under burqa phor id-e-ntity.

Hij salaah phor all mullaj ij to pe habby with khushboo. No bredator will imbersonate khushboo.

Salaams,

Al-Okullah

James Baithulla 007

2009-08-31T14:24:00.001-07:00

Cousin e Royale

Bredator-e-Drone-a-Charya are coming

2009-08-20T00:24:00.000-07:00

Mullah Gadhan,

Joo pring some deadly neuj. Ij the houri in this neuj ahter our id-e-ntity:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=8359356

Theej are bhery khatarnaak timej phor Mullahs. Blij to convene phor Shura in Cave Numper 420.

Appeal.

2009-08-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

Diyar all,
AoA
Asslamalaykum,

Todin i got a daak-e-bijjli asking apout
residents maulanas yand Amirs yand Ayotollahs.

Now iph eet was apout ayeshas, eet would hape been
narmal. Eet asksj sekrets, which eye say eej
blasphemous!!!!
pliss to issue broper fatwa.

List-e-twittur!

2009-08-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

Aao tweet karein:

http://twitter.com/Al_Okullah
http://twitter.com/inekuddin
http://twitter.com/nayakuddin
http://twitter.com/apdul
http://twitter.com/Gubomaster <-- Armitaraj? Breadtor? http://twitter.com/napaki
http://twitter.com/Abdulsaleemgad
http://twitter.com/lalbrofessor

Aljo phollow:

motorhams:

http://twitter.com/naveenaqvi (Babe-e-neuj)
http://twitter.com/marvi_memon (hubba hubba)

Technalajee-e-tweet

2009-08-07T06:07:00.000-07:00

Salaams Piratherj,

A little chidiya sat on my shoulder and bolo tweet tweet.

Ujing thij new techn-e-lajee ij the fatwa-e-LMU.

Subhanallah! Blij to tweet Al_Okullah aljo. Mullah Wahamullah ij imprejjed.

LMU moves to social media

2009-08-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

NSN: Unconfirmed reports are coming in that with enlightened moderation and lightbulb insertion being practiced at the LMU campus, the LMU faculty, including the dean himself have decided to try out the latest in social revolutionary technlogies: Twitter. Being great twits themselves, this is but a natural extension of their talent. LMU faculty hope to spread their knowledge, personal thoughts and fatwas far and wide using this mechanism.

One may find the dean's twitter stream at:

http://twitter.com/lalbrofessor

His other streams and emissions are captured by his devoted students.

NSN, Tall, Fair and Upright reporting, bring you only the best, if only in 140 characters.

2009-07-07T00:44:00.000-07:00

True bakistani, neglected by sitaara tv broadcast....

2009-06-22T00:55:00.000-07:00

Sitara tv did not show true bakistani kalchar.

I dekh match and there ij Baki osama , baki by birth and also by choice.
Yet all thij is censored.

Allah-Hu-Fubar

2009-06-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

Deeyar Loined Mullahs and other eggsperts,

Bliss to accept my abologies phor the loong apsence of leave phrom the mecca oph knowledge and the sulabh souchalya oph ze internetz.

It seems that I make lot of admins nervous with my presence in BRF. Since I ask too many uncomfortable questions and force them frequently look under their yellow-streaked undies to confirm the existence of certain man-parts from time to time, an evil yahudi-yindu conspiracy called 'goldberg-shikhandi' manure was tried on me and was banned.

Many shukriyas to the biraders who gave me a haath and their tender company in the BENIS dhaaga.

May the djinn of genital warts visit the yellow-bellied rats who stabbed me in the back.

Allah-hu-fubar
Allah-hu-fubar
Allah-hu-fubar

Your jihadistically,
Nayakuddin

kross Bostings.

2009-06-16T00:56:00.001-07:00

Sarry, to bost other beoble works, BENIS dhaaga now a dins

hape very many drone attacks, hence eye think eet eej good

to save invaluable Gems safe phrom erasure.

Diyar Raghullah al Nathi
the pakistani team fielded 1.5 members (big latif and khushboo) to deal with the 1:10 yani ke 15 yindoos as per their instruction manual. but due to cunning yindu trick, they changed the ball from gola to tatta and then big latif waj kanphujed. when mauling he grabbed the wrong hooker and then khushboo got a damn good rucking, only that the yindo team were still in the changing room.
thereaphtar cunning yindoos declared victory and converted khushboo to kaffirism and took her away from big latif at a delicate moment with his prop forward, so had to do his own up and under. sharam sharam time
yours
Lalprafesar al SportIllustrati

That was by Broffessar LM in reply to this pooch

AoA, I have a pooch. How ij tall, phair adn taight asssed bious bakistanis loje to shaart darak rice eeting kufr indians in rugby. bhat haapened to 1 bakistani equal to 10 kufr yindoos??. I shmell a kaanspiracy. What ij happening to land of bure's haanar and deegnity (H&D)?? .

It eej haram for hasina atim bum to be alone with talipanchacha in the car without four witnesses, especially when wearing such un-halaal kameez. when unkil gave baksheesh for tanks, he did not mean tank tops. i think we immediately need to punish hasina atim bum with 100 stribes, kanfiskate her haraam bums and have dilbullah take her in for remedial studies and treatment. talipan chacha will have to maalish his own mijjiles for a few weeks in repentance

lalprafesar-e-fatwaii
LMU

This again is by Brof,LM anal-lysing deeply this bichor

There was a mard from madarss
Whose balls were made of brass
In ishtormy weather they clanged together
And sbarks phlew out oph his arss*

dat was by Amir N^3 as an ode to Chutkar Khan exploits.

Salam

Istronge Repuff

2009-06-13T08:33:00.001-07:00

Prejident Zardar10%i ispokemard janaab Fatehaal Barber

haj istrongly repuffed infedal CIA klaims oph Amir OBL

presence in Bakistan. “When NWFP yand FATA eej kontroled

Talipan, then how kome CIA klaims Amir OBL in Bakistan hain?” da Janaab

told NSN. He further warned CIA to not to ispread lies apout

Bakistan or else………. in da excitement NSN phorgot to ask

else what? apologies in advance.

calls to CIA ophice has not been returned.

pliss kelik where eet saysej Kelik phor pura khaber.

NSN (T.N.T.)

Benis aayaa, Bahaar aayee

2009-06-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Akbar oooh Archanullah

Benis haj discarded the burqa like a ujed towel! Glory pee to Benis' ankle!

Calender-e-Bakstan

2009-06-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

Diyar LMU maulanas and stud-e-nts! the intezaar is over!! I am broud to bresent pefore yu the opphicial cal-e-ndar of LMU. Bure and bious Bakstani Talipan cal-e-ndar. Thij will not onlee edmucate yu apout the great bakstan on your packside, put also helb yu blan for IED cel-e-prations etc. Bliss to pe using this cal-e-ndar in your caves phrom now on and throw out thost kufr Aishwalida Rai and Heidi Kalams!
This ij naat my creation so bliss to naat credit me. Yu know Al Baqr never takes undue credit - visa nor mastercard. These are bainstakenly brebared py brafessar heric nairgolis bin IED-ka-Chaandi. Blis to send him your salams, a total of 72 lactating goats, and some of the 400 young tight munnas yu have apdukted todin. The whole cal-e-ndar ij in BDF phormat (bort-e-ple document phormat) (this clar-e-fication is phor yu kaffir lurkers, no BDF ij naat standing phor Bangla Deshi F'ers). The full BDF can pe downloaded phrom http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6J20WPH0

Ok mujahids, rebeat after me:

Jaan-E-vari!

Febr-E-vari!

Maar!

Abril!

Maai!

Jooon!

Julaaai!

Agast!

$hitampar!

Oct-o-par!

Nov-e-mper!

Dec-e-mper!

Diyar ishtoodents, thij creation oph LMU ij another in the series oph many creative contriputions to the world such as boetry, bhotoshopped and genuwhine bicchars, NSN farticles and bojitiveneuj plog. Bliss to learn and work hard to create such mast-e-rbieces.

yours in the tabela-e-bakri,
Al Baqr bin cal-e-nderi.

Benis Dhaga escapes in a Burqa

2009-06-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Now that dear Benis haj pecome invijiple like a Djinn, Wahamullah haj commented:

tu parda-nasheen ka aashiq hai
yoon chup-chup kae deedar na kar

dil jalta hai to jalnae dae
aasoon na bahaa fariyaad ka nar

Ayatolla found....

2009-05-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

ab pachtaye kya fayda,
jab jirga chug gaye khet ?

Aa ab laut chalen... part 231 - hota rehta hai!!

2009-05-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

...its back to caves as mujahids and mullas are driven out....

In this image, mahdi mulla, nayakuddin , abdul khan pratapi, lal brof and their harems lauts back to the caves....

GOAT JADOO

2009-05-21T04:48:00.000-07:00

De above bicchor was bosted on Pee Are Yaf by Bhajkwedwaluddin few dins back.
eet got me thinking yand presto a sher ban gaya, pesh hai

Hair now hair now everypody raise jour haath
Hair now hair now everypody raise jour haath
uske mukhare par horn horn pe jadoo
jadoo nay kar diya GUPO hum ho gaye bekaboo
aur ho gayi mushkil
dus bahane kar ke kar diya GUPO
dus Bahane kar ke kar diya GUPO
yeh horn topehele aisa na tha
kisne behkaya aisa horn banaya kyun
yeh aakhe mere dekhey ussiko
sochay bina hi usse GUPO karaya kyun
jeena to aab marne se kahi mushkil
dus bahane kar ke kar diya GUPO
dus bahane kar ke kar diya GUPO

appropiate offer oph zam-zam kola where appropiate.

Salam.

Cold War between 2 super powahs heats up

2009-05-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

Cold war between 2 supah powers heats up

MOGADISHU: Somali pirates hijacked another ship, a Pakistani-owned vessel carrying goods for Somali traders, over the weekend, a pirate commander and a local businessman told AFP Sunday.
The MV Al-Misan was captured around 100 kilometres off the capital Mogadishu, Ahmed Abdi, a pirate commander in the coastal village of Harardhere said.
According to elders and traders in the region, it was transporting vehicles and commodities such as sugar and cooking oil for Somali traders and had been sailing from the United Arab Emirates.
‘One of the two ships we hijacked yesterday is confirmed to have been chartered by Somali traders and there are already talks to release it. I think it will happen today,’ Ahmed Abdi told AFP by phone.
One Somali trader with a stake in the hijacked ship’s cargo said he was hopeful the vessel would be released soon.
‘There are efforts to free the ship and its crew, Somali traders and elders are already negotiating with the pirates and we are hopeful that they will soon release it,’ Abdullahi Moalim Barre told AFP.

The Al-Misan’s hijacking brings to at least 18 the number of vessels currently held by the ransom-hunting Somali buccaneers plying some of the globe’s busiest maritime trade routes in the Pakistani Ocean and Gulf of Aden.

Biss Deal Petween Nayakuddin and Adminullah?

2009-05-02T18:43:00.000-07:00

Diyar Pirathers,

I hab a pooch ...

The ub and down, ub and down, life of Nayakuddin reminds me of FM Mullah. Ij Nayakuddin making Biss deals with kufr Adminullah and then preaking it quickly?

Ij Nayakuddin demanding Sharia in PeeArf territory?

Doej he want all Rack-a-Shacks to wear hijaab?

Doej Adminullah govermint want Nayakuddin to dijarm hij mijjiles?

Do they want motorham ishkools open in PeeArf territory?

Ij Nayakuddin in favor oph Plack Sheeb aj Qazi?

Even Wahamullah doej naat have jawaab phor thij pooch! Blij to phind out the andar ki khabar.

Yourj,

Al-Okullah.

Halaal Counter Fatwaa to Haraam Fatwaa

2009-05-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

Diyar Mullah Pirathers,

I caal phor urgent Jirga ... Blij to dekho thij khabar:

=================

Black sheep will not be tolerated in judiciary: CJ

ISLAMABAD (SANA): Chief Justice of Pakistan Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry said that black sheep will not be tolerated in the judiciary.

Addressing Supreme Court staff while paying tribute to Justice Sabihuddin (Late) on his services for judiciary, he asked the judges and lawyers that it was their responsibility to ensure justice in the courts.

He urged the lawyers and court staff to identify black sheep to stop the selling of justice for ensuring transparency in the court proceedings.

=================

Thij ij haraam! Who ij thij CJ Ifti? Ij he related to BJ Cutie? Why ij he telling haraam fatwa?

We are Roshan Khayali mullahs. We are equal equal obbortunity mullahs. Why are sheeb haraam? And why are *plack* sheeb haraam, hain? Naansenj, I bolo. And, racisht aj well.

Subboj that Wahamullah and Khushboo hab domeshtic disbute (god forpid -- biss pe ubon them). Put, jusht subboj, you samjho, right?

Wahamullah will pe aple hire a waqeel. Put, I poocho ... who will rebrejent Khushboo, hain? Who ij dejignated waqeel phor goats?

A sheeb, of courj!

Goats and sheeb are coujins and they trusht each other.

I bolo that sheeb should have place in Justish with full H&D. In phact, I subbort sheeb aj Qazis.

Maype, we should hab a Plack Sheeb aj Qazi-ul-Momeen!

Blij enphorj thij fatwa with jour subbort.

khabar dubaraa tooti

2009-05-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

Pirathers,

Maulana Nayakuddin haj been disbatched to jannat phir ek baar.

With hij ub and down, ub and down petween cave and jannat, there ij great conphushun among houris, goats and mullahs.

salaams.

Mushy sings an ABBA song during ABBA Din Bakistan

2009-04-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna talk
About the GUBO I've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more Dollahs to pay
The loser takes it all
The GUBO big or smal
lBeside your victory
That's my destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by my rules
Amritraj may throw a dime
His mind crooked all the time
And Cee Eye Yeah down here
sends mangoes to someone dear
The loser fakes it all(Takes it all)
The loser has to fall(Has to fall)
It's simple but full of pain(Yes, he pain)
Why shouldnt I complain
But tell me does Kiyani kiss
Like I used to kiss you
Does it feel the same
When he cries out your name

Tootati Hui Khabar

2009-04-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

Nayakuddin haj returned from Jannat!

Blij to send Chotu to coll-e-ct the 72 and depojit them in virginity r-e-storashun debartment.

NSN -- Exberts in abblying duct tabe to Preaking News.

Poocho and ye shall receib.

2009-04-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

Mullah Al-Okullah

You are a genious bin unparalelledi

Due to my close association with the learned Jirga, I am wakif with the "single-hair" as well as certain advanced pingrezi adjectives like Arse-if Single Hair

Khair, Wahamullah says you misunderstood my Poetry because it is not up to the standards you set for yourself and those who want to emulate you, I meant Amritraj said " bata mera size kya hain", many many maafi for the ambiguous language used which is degrading to the grait Allama

Here is pesh another boem by the grait allama

Kahin Qareeb sunayee guftagu, Usne meri Qamar meri kasi
Hamari aankhon mein aasu, Amritraj ke chehre pe Hasi
Nahin chahiye tha aam ka krate isliye uski har baat suni
Usko kya farak hum Shia ya Sunni?
Yeh GUBO koi bematlab cheez nahi
GUBO hi to hain hamari aamdani
Us paise se hi aata hain, sadak, bijli aur pani
Teri meri yaari aur apni mardaangi

Allama Single-Hair's Immortal words

2009-04-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

Mullah Mahdi,

Jou hab bosted the finesht lines written by the Allama. I am pesh karo lines that come pefore your magical verse:

Amritraj Khan sae kyaa poochoon ke meri size kyaa hai
Mein is fiqr mein rehtaa hoon, ke unki size kyaa hai

adab arz hain pirather.

[p.s. -- Bliss to rekwesht matlab of single-hair if jou need it]

2009-04-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

Khud ko Kar Bend Itna

Ki har Gubo se Pehle

Amritraj Bande se Khud Pooche

Batah mera size Kya Hain?

Pakiban to arrange e love marriages

2009-04-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

LAHORE: The Taliban of Swat have set up a bureau named ‘Shuba-e-Aroosat’ ( i.e Shop a Asura for you damn kaffirs )for arranging love marriages of couples who are denied the marriage of choice by their families for one reason or the other, reports BBC Urdu Service. Asuras like Madame Jalebi e Shirleen who bears striking resemblanje to yindoo mythical character Soorphanakha will be among the first to go on display for the Talibs to fall in love with and then hopefully whisk away to some desolate cave for debriefing and de *** ing. sharam Sharam

Taliban spokesman Muslim Khan said the marriage bureau headed by Taliban Commander Dilbulla e PeeAref Loyalisti arranged 1111 ‘love visa marriages’ in the last nine days while 300 girls and boys are waiting for their turn. “The love marriage aspirants contact the bureau on a fixed telephone number
The Taliban collect their particulars and then Dilbulla contacts their familites to arrange these Canada visas” he said,

“Most of the girls, or their families, who contacted us wish to marry ‘militant’ Taliban.” Analysts say the Taliban are paving the way for themselves to marry the girls of their choice.

So Far only Big Tanvir and Bigger and more unwashed Jabbar have shown interest in Madam Jalebi

NSN reports
Yesterday's news today, Today's news Never

Bojitive Exclamation

2009-04-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

Ya kuda!! Ya to mujhe zabbani lota de dey
Nahi to mera ita lamba ker dey
ki may apni GUBO khud kar saku.

Diyar Marvi Memon

2009-04-18T23:56:00.001-07:00

Diyar Marvi!

Swat ki dilpasand fizaoN mein,
Woh khatoon thi unke paaoN mein,
Talib ke haath mein tha koda,
Par talib ruk gaya thoda,
Yeh dekhkar qazi bola,
"Oye, ab maar vi?"

Diyar madame Marvi, yeh kya hua?
Talib aapki yaad mein, kyun bechain hua?
Qazi ne fatwa sunaya,
Tab humko samaj mein aaya..
Woh bola Oh Madam Memon,
Without you Swat is like lemonade without lemon!
Kabhi to dobara ski karnay yahaN aaiye,
Apne sath madam Jalebi ko bhi laaiye,
Par ek hi guzarish hogi naacheez ki,
Ki abki baar, shuttlecock pehankar aaiye.

Salam.
Baqr

Call phor Jirga: Haraam Cobycat Wepsite

2009-04-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Mullah Pirathers,

kuffar hab cobied our great conjebt ...

http://www.pakpositive.com/

thij ij just not kirkit!

We must queer the bitch (I matlab that baees gaj lambi zameen, naat motorham).

Al Okulla forced to Kha his own words

2009-04-18T01:58:00.001-07:00

Phrom our archives

When Bakistani shakes, chawal eating Zabaan shivers in fiyar

There are about 150 Pakistanis living in Toyama prefecture and 10,000 throughout
Japan, according to Pakistani diplomat Muhammad Mudassir Tipu.

Phrom our Archives

2009-04-18T01:51:00.000-07:00

On the aus-pee-cious occassion of the 2009 Bakshish conference Zabaan, we dig deep into our archives to bring you this bicchar celebrating 50 years of the lota revolution in Bakisatan

President Musharraf stated, "Pakistan respects Japan, a nation that has maintained its own culture and tradition while achieving modernization. I am determined to use this visit to further strengthen our sphincter for warm and friendly GUBO relations between Japan and Pakistan."

Prime Minister Koizumi stated, "I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to President Musharraf's firm stance during GUBO, amid a variety of difficult positions. For the coming 50 years, I would GUBO to be the model of relations between Japan and Pakistan, for this we are ready to throw in a bit of baksheesh here and there."

Japan plans massive Rabies control programme

2009-04-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

Continuing with the stellar report by the Emir e Bakistan press box Al Okullah

Concerned with the possibal implications of the balkanisation of Bakistan and the subsequent health implications of the large scale movement of rabid population, International aid is pouring in the lota e millat carried by Caliph Zardari

The United States and Japan earlier said they pledged one billion dollars each over two years, the European Union promised 640 million dollars over four years, while media reports said Saudi Arabia had committed 700 million dollars.

Bakistan wanted a das saal ka kommitmant from the donors, put they were not so forthcoming, saying in 10 saal there was no guarentee that das parcent will be around

Al Okullah has an interesting take on this, he in his infinite wijdom says, Zabanis are kufr but they are intelligent kufr, not like the Amirkhan kufr who dont care if the maal they use is used maal or fresh maal , Amirkhan Kufr is susceptible to emoshunal blackmail. Jabani Kufr on the other haath , due to their rice eating are devious, they pretend to be concerned and helpful but they keep us momeen at arms length . Bekose of their strict immigrashun bolicy there is no powerfool lobby of Bakjabanis like the Britbakpakis. Al Okullah stressed this point in the press (minus Sherry) briefing with Zardari who acknowledged the fact that, the way to the Zabani purse is through a powerful Bakzabani kommunity exercising their right to peace according to the kitaab.

Speaking of Zaban, the Zabanis speak interesting Zabaan, it sometimes becomes very difficult for you if you are a Bakistani as the Zabani Kufr seem to add "L" to everything ending with "o", after the international baksheesh kanferance , all the delegates were taken for sight seeing to the Kyushu region and specifically to dekh the jwalamukhi called "Aso", it waj a were scenic journey but most of the Bakistani delegation were having difficulty understanding and translating the different Zabaans spoken by the Kufr e Khichdi and promptly fell asleep. The ways of the Kufr are strange, upon sighting the Jwalamukhi " aso" they started shouting " aso" " aso", thereby disturbing our neend as everytime they said " aso" we thought they were calling us. The Zabani Wazir pointed towards the Jwaalamukhi and said to our Wazir " Look Zardari Aso Aso," Wazir Zardari was wondering why the Kufr was pointing away from him while callig him "Aso" but then he dealt with this in his own unique way by displaying his bateesi

More reports to follow

Salaam from Jabaan

2009-04-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

Greetingj piratherj,

I am accombanying Wahamullah to Jabaan ... we are hiyar to collect Jizya tax from kuffar ...

Ubon arriving, Wahamullah gave phirsht wijdom ... the halaal name of country ij Zubaan put kuffar can not spell it right and call it Jabaan ... Wahamullah knowj bahut bahut zyaadaa ...

sbeaking of Zubaan, the Zubaanese sbeak funny zubaan ... and they are bowing ub and down, ub and down, without checking direction of holy mosque ...

but these are good kuffars and baid ub 1 pillion of kuffar money ...

hobefully they will naat suffer too much ... Wahamullah sej they are very boor ...
oph courj they eat laat of rice like any short kuffar should ... put, they can naat afford to cook their fish and eat it kachchaa ...

the Zubaanese have made some very halaal rail-gaadi ... Wahamullah sej that the train floats in air with Jinn power ... next time we will ask kuffar to make this rail-gaadi from Peshawar to Quetta ... jou will be aple to vijit khushboo and pe pack the same din ...

ok, I hab to stob now ... Whamullah sej that we should dekho some houri called geishaa ...

Salaams,

Al-Okullah

Social ebils.

2009-04-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

There are two types of gandagi aka social ebils.
One is friendship bith Qadiayani Ahmadiya Marzai
Another is friendship wit zulmi Brahmins.

To remove Q-A-M, there ij guberment campaign.
Everydins some mujahid blows himself up.
Hiyar u dekho guberment campaign when a conference was held on the 'finality of prophet - pbuh. unfortunately, the conference Khatam-e-Nabuwat ended in boom becoj some mujahids were not ready to accept the interpretations.

Similalry, bith Hnd-al-Brahmins, friendship is haraam as the khanjar comes back in you musharrap. But to remove the Brahmins, there is no dawa nor dua, not jihad not even a Khatam-e-Kothwali conference. Sad but true.

Famous Nerurosurgeon visits Bajaur

2009-04-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

Famous Nerurosurgeons team visits Bajaur

The beheaded body of a local traders’ organisation president and senior leader
of the Awami National Party was found near a dry drain in the Bajaur Agency’s
Nawagai area on Friday.
Governor of the province Mir Guboddin Phadmathyaar commended the Taliban for the surgical precision of the beheading and expressed hope that the young mujahids would emulate the great taliban neurosurgical team

Dilbulla in action

2009-04-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fycEqJLKV0o&feature=related